Each Day Counts

Am I missing you?

2006-06-30T01:17:00.000-07:00

Click here to follow me to my new blog home! Thank you for stopping by!!!

Let's go on a field trip....

2005-09-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Thank you for visiting today! I have moved to a new publishing format and I would love it if you cruise over and say hi there. While you are there you can note the new address and bookmark me if you would like to. Heck, you can even subscribe!

Please check out my new home on the web by clicking here.

Smile today!

Boom

2005-09-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ok...just by looking at the photo here you probably have just figured that I have gone a bit crazy (a wee bits nuts for all my Irish readers.) I often wonder if I have any Irish readers. I mean...my Mom is part Irish I guess so that counts I suppose. But I wonder if anyone ever actually logs on from The Emerald Isle.

If so...I'd like to personally thank you for giving birth to U2, Damien Rice (who sort of resembles a leprechaun to me) and The Frames who are hands down the best damn Irish Band ever! Sure U2 has sold a billion records but they have never been able to convey the strength and emotion that The Frames can. If you have never listened to a track by The Frames, click here. This will play an amazing song called, "What Happens When the Heart Just Stops?"

Anyway...let me get to the point here. The bomb photo was meant to mean something. I need to blow this site apart a bit and make some changes. I just feel sort of stagnant lately. Maybe it needs a new look or just better organization. I just don't know.

I want to continue expressing myself and using the site to find myself in a way but I also want to be able to provide more music and humor. Any ideas would certainly be appreciated. Maybe I should walk away from Blogger and go to Movable Type or another service that is more versatile.

Let me know what you think please. Also, I feel good today. I slept terrible last night but for some reason I am happy today and semi-energetic and that feels great. I am having some more stomach cramping and burning and if it continues I will call the doctor. I will be fine.

Smile today folks! :-)

The Piss Machine/Crash

2005-09-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

I stayed home this weekend and Megan went up the hill to do the spa thing alone with her family. It turns out that I needed to stay although I did not know it at the time. About a half hour after she left I grabbed the trusty old iPod and the trusty old pooch and we decided to walk around the block. We had about 45 minutes of Hector pissing on things and the iPod cord getting caught up in the leash and then our little mission was over.

One question - Are there any dog experts out there? If so, why is it that pooches lift their little legs to mark their turf when nothing comes out? If there are 30 trees our little man runs out of piss at about 6 and just keeps on lifting. It drives me crazy!

Anyway...after the walk I went to the local Mexican food place and grabbed up some grub and then I headed back home and ate. At 5:00 I realized that I was feeling a bit sleepy so I decided to lay down in bed and catch part of the hurricane relief concert/fundraiser.

The last time I looked at the clock it was 5:21. I woke up later and grabbed my cell phone to check the time and it was 8:34. I was pretty happy with myself. No sleeping meds and I napped for three hours! Then reality struck. It was light outside. Hmmmmm......

I slept for 15 hours with no sleeping medicine. My body must have been pooped.

Last week I woke up every day early to try to be productive and it seemed to work. Little did I know that I would come crashing down all at once. Damn.

Speaking of Crash...I rented that movie and I am about to kick back with the piss machine and dive into it. I hear that it is great. I sure hope so.

Anyway...I hope that you all are ok out there. I need to fire up this movie and hope to stay awake through it. I feel like I have the body of an old man anymore. I am always sore and lately I find myself getting cramps in my stomach more and more. Sometimes getting up from a sitting position really hurts. I wish that I felt better but I seem to be getting worse lately and that scares me. I am also losing weight quickly and that is good in a way but it worries me also. Maybe I should have a chat with my doctor soon. That would probably be a good plan.

Dear body of mine,
I need a bit more time here on Earth. Bear with me ok? I will feed you all the bananas, vitamins and medicine that you are supposed to need. All you have to do is keep things moving inside for just a little while longer. I have some more love to give so I need my ticker and I need these arms because people still want to hug me sometimes. Also, please let me keep seeing. I so enjoy colors. And please allow me to hear so I can hear laughter and enjoy my new appreciation for the blues and gospel tunes. I will try to be as good to you as possible. No more carnitas. No more frosted flakes. Much more water. No more days without enough rest. Just please don't fail me now.
Love,
Ruben (Your strange yet sincere owner)

Smile today everyone and be happy.

Thoughts...

2005-09-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

As you may have guessed I have put off Flickr Friday this week. There have been so many things happening around here with school starting and medical appointments and I just needed a bit of a break.

I wanted to thank you all for all of your amazing comments about my cancer news. I still have an uphill climb to face with my liver but I will survive it. I will be just fine.

This morning Meg and I have a Biology lab to attend and then we will drive up to a town called Angels Camp and spend an evening with our family. It will be nice to sink into a hot tub and let my crazy life just fizzle away for a bit. I always love spending time with her and this place is special because this is where we will get married also. April is approaching like a locomotive!

About last week's Flickr Friday...
I believe that people were busy with Labor Day and life like me and I received three great photos. The two that I combined above are great. The photo of the Jesus image by Catrina works well with the photo of the flag that was taken by Melissa's sister during Hurricane Katrina.

Hey wait a minute...I just realized that one of these photos is of Katrina and one was submitted by Catrina. That is interesting to me especially considering the content.

The third photo was taken by Chantel and when I tried to post it I was not able to see all of the words on it very clearly. Chantel wanted to share that the nine values of her life are:

Nurturing of Dreams
Love
Forgiveness and Acceptance
Creativity
The Golden Rule
Freedom
Laughter
Honesty
Security

That was great for me to be reminded of. These are things that we should probably all think about more.

One more thing...A member of our little blog family left a message on Thursday that she was going to have her son that day. If you have some time please go and give a congrats to RockStar Mommy.

I will dive back into the blog pool and do a few more laps on Monday. I just needed a break to focus a bit. Take care of you and yours! Smile today!

Amazing News!!!!

2005-09-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

CANCER FREE!

So many of you have walked right beside me through this last cancer scare and I want to personally thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart!

This afternoon Megan and I found out that I am still cancer free and that means the world to me! I need to be in remission for five years (three more) to get the liver transplant that I need and now I can continue on that positive path!

There was however some bad news today that we have to deal with but it was expected so we were much more prepared for it. My liver disease is getting worse but we will fight it! I was kind of depressed when we left the hospital today because of this bad news even though we got the good news but Meg came to the rescue again.

She looked at me and said, "We got great news today! Smile! We made today count!"

She was right forcing me to heed my own advice! Today really did count and I will wake up with her tomorrow and make it count also!

I will keep you all updated and let you know where this journey takes us. I will end this and keep this post short tonight because I have a sexy young fiance that needs to be cuddled in the other room! I am so happy!

Let me leave with you with an incredible gospel/blues track to listen to by Eric Bibb. Please take some time to listen to this! It has really inspired me!

Click here to be inspired!

Smile today! I certainly am!

Flickr Friday Friends

2005-09-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I know that I am posting this late and there is a reason for my tardiness. My last post meant a lot to me and I wanted as many people as possible to read it. If you did not have the chance to read it click here to read it if you have a minute.

Now for Flickr Friday! This week I am going to try something new! My partner in crime, Megan, came up with a fun idea to have the first Friday of every month be the day for a guest poster to take over and post their own theme. And since it was her idea, she will be our guest this week. If you are interested in posting here and sharing your Flickr Friday theme ideas please email me at: ruben@eachdaycounts.com. Now I will stop typing and pass the old keys to Megan. Work with her please. She is my angel!

Hello All! While Ruben called this a fun idea, my theme is actually quite thoughtful and serious. Damn college instructors! I hate when they actually make you think! Please take a moment, though, and read each of these following sentences over and over until they really make you think:

Most everyone would give their lives for someone. A parent; a grandparent; a friend; a partner; a child. But, would you give your life for a stranger? Or a group of them? What about for an idea, cause, or belief? Is their something you feel that strongly about? Many people talk amongst themselves about something someone else should be doing for this cause or that cause, but are you ever willing to take the risk and be the one that makes a difference? If your answer is yes, you could someday be a martyr (one who endures great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle).

So, I'd like to see your photos of something that symbolizes anything you would give your life for, aside from family and friends. Ruben shares above that his is Inner Peace.

My Sociology professor really put this into perspective for me a few nights ago. Ask yourself, if there is nothing in this world that you would give your life for, is your life worth living? And, what is it's purpose if there is nothing you believe so deeply in?

Again, if you are interested in posting here and sharing your Flickr Friday theme ideas please email: ruben@eachdaycounts.com.

Also...we will be adding comments and photographer names to the photos and that will be visible in Flickr every Tuesday. Please write your name and blog address in your email.

Thanks, we look forward to your photos!

I will leave you in Ruben's words......Smile Today!

Please read this...

2005-09-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Out of all the blogs that I read I seem to find myself reading Ginger's the most often. She always has something positive to say and her insight is amazing! Today she wrote about Hurricane Katrina and her post really got me thinking. To read it click here.

Sitting here in the comfort of my funny little house in California is usually not very exciting because nothing really crazy ever happens. But tonight I sat down and took a look at some images of the damage that hurricane Katrina has done and I have to feel pretty damn lucky to be where I am.

Just a couple of thousand miles away in the same country that I live in people are without power, water and even food. Looking at some of the images I thought that I may be looking at a third world country! This looks like Tsunami damage!

Anyway, I will keep this brief. Megan and I just donated $50.00 to The United Way and I encourage all of my readers to donate also. It can be any amount that you may be able to spare. We are so very lucky to have homes tonight and the feeling of safety.

Ginger will cuddle up to her man tonight and I will cuddle up with Meg and we will be alright in the morning. Sure, I may be dealing with a health crisis but these poor people are dealing with a loss that I could never imagine.

There is a song that I want you all to hear. Please take just a few minutes to listen to the words. Pray for the people in distress today and hug your children just a little bit tighter. There are children right here in our country that have lost their parents and many parents that have lost their children.

Click here for the song.

Click here to donate ANY amount to The United Way.

Click here to see Flickr Images relating to Hurricane Katrina.

Smile today!

From Cookies to Hombres

2005-08-30T19:39:00.000-07:00

Click the photo above to see it larger.

This post will be brief because I really feel crappy tonight. I'm not sure what the heck is wrong with me this time but I have no energy at all. I have felt this way off and on for about a month and it is driving me nuts! I also have zero patience and I know Meg is getting frustrated with me.

I am really sorry honey! I will be ok again soon!

I want to run and do jumping jacks or something but I can hardly get the energy together to get off the couch and go pee. Meg would be really mad if I wet the couch! When I feel this way I just want to sit and be a lump.

To see the slideshow of this week's images click here. I appreciate all the wonderful photos and I will post a new theme on Friday. If anyone has a theme idea please let me know.

So that is it. The end. No mas. Stay tuned and I will post again as soon as I feel a bit more perky. Don't give up on me yet. Smile today! :-)

People amaze me...

2005-08-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

I am constantly amazed by the amount of love that I get from the blog community. There are people out there that I have never met who are praying for me and thinking about Megan and that really blows me away. I have received so many kind words and they are all very special gifts.

Today however I was incredibly touched by a gift that I received in the mail. All I ever get in the mail is junk mail and bills but today I received a pretty shiny blue envelope and all the return address said was "Cece."

I thought to myself..."I know that name!" That is the that woman in Texas with the really cute new hair cut! Was she offended by my words? Is this a package bomb?" Ok...that thought never did actually did cross my mind...that was just a lame attempt at humor!

When I opened the package I found all sorts of incredibly inspirational things from The Basilica of Our Lady of San Juan Del Valley National Shrine in San Juan, Texas. There were photographs like the one above and charms and these gifts really warmed my heart.

You see...I am fighting so hard right now. I am lucky enough to be able to share my words with my readers and now I have expanded into real life audiences and that is turning out to be very rewarding. People that know me from my past when I was a much different person would probably not believe that I am trying to be so positive. But I am. I have become so focused on my recovery and trying to help others and I love it!

I am coming to the point where I believe that I may have found my calling and I love it. Today I started school again and it was amazing how many people walked up to me and said, "I saw your speech last Friday. It moved me. You are an inspiration." Every single time that I hear that I want to cry. I want to win this battle and spend the rest of my life explaining to people that they can win their battles. Life is a hard deal but it's not impossible.

I wrote this post today to say thank you to Cece from the bottom of my heart and I will do that now...

Cece,
I will treasure these wonderful gifts and keep them very close to me at all times. Thank you for encouraging me to fight this war! Thank you for sharing photographs of your beautiful family and for having such a huge heart! You are a very special person with the ability to touch others with your thoughtfulness. Thank you my friend. Thank you very much!

I would also like to send out positive thoughts to all the people that are dealing with the storms caused by Hurricane Katrina. I wish that I could volunteer to go there and help clean up or whatever. We just had a family friend move to New Orleans and we are hoping that he is safe today!

Click here to visit Cece's World! You will be addicted!

One more thing...I will post Flickr Friday images tomorrow. Please keep sending them in! I love the ones that I have received so far! Smile today everyone!

The Speech/Flickr Friday

2005-08-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

I did it! I got through the speech and I feel so great about it! Megan was in the audience as always and I even got a standing ovation! I just poured my heart out to the people in that auditorium and I hope that they took something away from there!

The best moment of the day came after the speech when I was approached by a woman when I was speaking on my cell phone to my Grandma. I flipped open my phone and my Grandma heard the woman tell me that she had read an article that I had written and that it had changed her life. She has a three year old autistic son and she said that reading about my battle made it easier for her to live through hers.

A note to my Grandma: I love you Grams! I am so glad that you heard that. That was a very special moment in my life and to share it with you made it so much sweeter!

Let's make Flickr Friday a real challenge this week! The theme is based on the great shot above submitted by the lovely Shannon of The Cassady Family in Seattle, WA USA.

In the photo there are three beautiful kiddos. Please send me photos that contain three items in them. It can be a photo of three kiddos if you want or it can be a photo of three horses, three flowers or three chocolate bars. How creative can you be? I will be in Lake Tahoe, CA this weekend with family and I will shoot submissions then.

Please send submissions to: ruben@eachdaycounts.com and please put Flickr Friday in the subject line. It would be great to have photos before Tuesday morning.

Thank you for all of your encouraging words. You all helped make my speech today come to life and you have made my life so much easier to deal with. You are with me at every doctors appointment and you will be with Megan and I when we get married.

Smile today folks! I am really, really happy today! Thank you all for making that possible!

Seriously now...

2005-08-25T00:26:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a long one. Grab some nachos and a drink and relax! :-)

It is after midnight here and I am doing alright. I should be sleeping but I just don't want to close my eyes. My endoscopy and colonoscopy were performed today and I tried to stay strong but I will share with that I was very, very scared. It is not the procedures that scare me. It is the possible results. There are not many people that I believe can see through the wall that I put up to hide the fear but there are a few.

Megan can see my fear. Her mother can see my fear. My mother can see my fear and my Grandma Rose could see my fear or even hear it in my voice if I was a million miles away from her.

For the first time all day I am alone right now just typing my heart into this machine and I am crying. I feel so relieved that it is over but at the same time I know that there is still an uphill battle to face. Directly in front of me there is a massive mountain that needs to be climbed. The damn thing is taller than Everest and I hope to God that I have the right gear to take me to the top.

But you know something...I made today count! I got new advice, new medicine and some news that I have never heard. So today may have been a little shaky but I have some shiny new tools to show for it and I will use them to help me climb the mountain!

Tomorrow will bring something new my way and I don't care if someone shows up at my house with a pile of dog crap. I'll just call Meg at work and say, "Honey did you order some crap?"

She will probably say something like, "No but don't throw it away! Maybe we can harden it in the sun and use it as a vase later. It will look much nicer with some flowers in it!" She is that sort of person! If we were in a flaming car crash and stuck in the car I would say, "We are finished! We are going to die here! She would say, "Come on now! We are warm and we are together. Just like every night at home in bed!"

So the medical news is...

I have developed an unusally large vein in my esophagus and according to Dr. Cheng (liver guru) we are lucky it did not rupture today with the insertion of the scope. I could have bled to death. Luckily he found it in time and has given me a low dosage blood pressure medicine to help battle it. Bleeding to death would be a bad deal.

The colitis and Crohn's disease seems to be under control for the moment. That is great news!

He took samples of my colon for a biopsy. That worries me. Cancer is not an option for my survival.

But the strangest thing is that my alkaline phosphate levels have doubled in the last three months and that is a very bad sign. They should range between 37-117 for a healthy person but mine are now at 451. That is pretty bad news. But at the same time, I am not turning yellow with jaundice and that is a blessing. Maybe my bile ducts are not clogged or in worse shape. More blood testing (evil needles) tomorrow should shed some light on this.

The best news is that my Oncologist will have CT scans, X-rays, today's test and biopsy results and several blood tests to look at to rule out cancer. Meg and I are 100% sure that I am cancer free. I mean we have a wedding to plan right? We have no time for cancer!

I am trying so hard here to stay strong guys! Thank you for reading this long post and for thinking about me through this rough time. You are all good people. Funny little angels all over the world with internet connections and golden hearts hell bent on soothing mine. God bless you all! Smile today! Smile everyday!

One more thing...I am having a problem with comments. After you type in the comment hit post just once and it should appear just once if you exit the comment box and reload the page.

Ginger, what is up with this blog genius? I know you can fix anything!!! :-) If not please have Bub come over with that new tractor and run something over!

All About the Baby

2005-08-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

Here I am late again! Flickr Friday was awesome again as you can see. But I did keep one photo out of the collage for a reason.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has a new baby and they ask you to come over to see the baby because it is "simply the cutest baby ever?"

And of course you rush right over to see the little snookums only to find that that the little snookums has been replaced by an alien or strange animal that you ever never seen before.

But you look at the little cutsie wootsie and his/her parents and you do the only thing that you can possibly do.

You lie your ass off and all of a sudden all the words that you want to say become sugary sweet crap.

"Oh what a cute baby" really means, "Holy crap, is there something wrong with its head? Its freakin' huge! Is it swolen?"

"I have never seen such beautiful eyes on a baby" really means, "God was really angry with you people!"

"That baby really looks like he will grow up and be a genius" really means, "How can something so small look so stupid? It can't stop staring at the wall!"

My point is this: I received a Flickr Friday submission yesterday that made me believe that there are really honest people out there.

Lily sent me an email that declared that the best baby picture ever was attached. I knew at that moment that the baby would have beaty eyes, huge ears and a head either insanely enormous or too small to be on little shoulders.

I would be forced to email Lily and tell her that she had the most beautiful baby in world and I would have to lie and lie until I felt really guilty.

The thing is that Lily did send the best baby picture that has ever been taken! Anne Geddes has nothing on this shot! This kid is gorgeous! She will be an actress or supermodel or the world's prettiest surgeon or rocket scientist! Click here to see this baby! Have no fear! You will walk away with a clean conscious!

To see the entire slideshow of the submitted click here. Have a great day and smile!

Monday - 11:15-11:44 AM

2005-08-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

The above image is one that I just found on Flickr. As you can see, I am feeling nostalgic for San Francisco again.

It is rapidly approaching noon here and I have putzed away the last four hours avoiding the speech that I am suppossed to be writing. I can feel the speech right on the top of my little brain but no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to force it out of my finger tips!

The weekend was decent around here. Yesterday was lazy and the highlight of the day was falling asleep on Meg in the middle of the afternoon and eating delicious take and bake pizza from the neighborhood pizza place. You know...I hate living here in Modesto and I write that often but I was telling Meg that if we moved we would have to find another 'hood as cool as this one. That would be hard at any price.

Within walking distance from our litte casa are:

Three Starbuck's
The best Mexican food in the world.
A gourmet grocery.
A regular everyday grocery.
Two Quizno's.
A little boutique that I love.
Jamba Juice.
Delicious pizza.
An 18 screen movie theater.
An independent film theater.
A ceramics studio.
7-11.
Incredible Chinese food.
A few art galleries.
Great antique shops.
Our bank.
Hector's groomer.
Meg's seamstress.
The neighborhood corner store.
My hair salon.

What else could we ask for? I should be asking myself that!

Anyway, we went to a party on Saturday night at our friend Matt's house and had a great time. The best thing about Matt is that he is an artist and that he surrounds himself with amazing talent. Sure it was just a party but at the same time it was so much more!

Matt, the next time you have a party you need to call it, "Inspirationpalooza!" Check out the photography of the following party guests! They should all be famous!

Matt
Phil
Camie
Dana
Allen

I am excited about taking some new photos this weekend. Stay tuned for the results.

Well, I should get busy now. Noon is about to come around and smack me right in the head! Also, Flickr Friday submissions are coming together nicely. Thank you and keep on sending them until tomorrow morning. I will post them in the afternoon.

Have a great day! Smile!

That one special shot....

2005-08-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

I am such a slacker! Here it is Flickr Friday and I am just posting. I have been pretty busy lately and when I'm not I seem to just fall alseep at strange times. The rest is good for me but it worries me a bit. My body is seriously lacking in motivation lately.

I have posted the above photo before but I still consider it to be my personal favorite. I like the way that I was able to fade the background and I like the angle but most of all I just love the subject. I want to get to this man's age and when I do I want to look as cool as he does!

That is my subject for this week. Show me that one shot that you are most proud of for one reason or another. Maybe it is the one that you swear should win every photo contest on Earth or maybe it is just a picture that makes you feel a certain way.

When I shot this, the man and I actually traded photos. He took one of me with his antique Polaroid and I had this one printed for him off my digital. It was two generations coming together for the same purpose and I thought that was a great moment in time.

So if I am around when I am about 70 come to Mexico City and check out my groovy threads and let me snap your pic. I won't be wealthy but I will be happy and alive and enjoying every second.

Please send your photos to me via email or just send me a link to them to:
ruben@eachdaycounts.com.

I can't wait to see what you see. I really enjoy this Flickr Friday thing. You all take amazing shots and I appreciate very much that you play along.

Have a great weekend! Dance! Play! Sing! Smile!

Make each day count!

My Super Hero

2005-08-18T15:32:00.000-07:00

For a while now Megan has been studying child development and I never really understood why. There is not much money to be made in the field and it requires a ton of training. I have told her that she should really focus on something more lucrative just in case I get sick and she has to take care of herself and Hector alone.

But today I had the pleasure of watching her in action and it really filled my heart with pure joy. It was like watching a fish swim or a penguin playing in the snow. She just fit in there so well and I was amazed. To the kids that she works with she takes on a whole new identity.

For the first time in three years I met the other Megan. I met "Teacher Megan." And I'll tell you what..this "Teacher Megan" lady really is amazing. The kids love her. Her colleagues love her. But most of all "Teacher Megan" was so happy and her eyes sparkled with a new kind of joy that I have never seen before. It was beautiful! I am so proud of her!

So I have to say this, "Baby angel, (thats what I call her) I don't care if you never make a dime. You need to be in a classroom. You need those children like I need you. We will make finances work out. You are amazing!"

The totally adorable little boy in the photo above thinks that he is Batman because he wears the costume. Megan never wears a cape (that may be kind of sexy though!) but she sure is Super Woman to me!" This whole love thing is pretty damn cool. I am so blessed!

Smile today folks! Love someone.

The White Trash Fiesta

2005-08-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

(Click image for larger view - Have fear!)
As promised here are the exciting pictures from our white trash adventure. As you can see by the photo in the lower right corner, Megan and I have perfected the fine art of white trash lovin'! We are so proud of ourselves! We are in the process right now of writing a how to book for kids! Madonna thought her books for children did well! Ha!

Our series which will be titled, "Raisin' up some proper youngins" is going to sell out all over the world! We will be famous! We will be rich! Spam and spray cheese all around! We can afford it baby! Watch your back Wizard Boy! You know who I'm talkin' about!

Anyway, the party was fun and really got me thinking about some things in a whole new perspective. For instance, I was at Home Depot today and I saw a truck with balls (nuts, scrotum) attached to it's hitch. Apparently the man driving wanted to people to know that his truck had balls. Why the hell would someone do such a thing? I am thinking about snapping up a pair for my Toyota Matrix! Ok...maybe not.

So that is it folks! We went and sat on hay bales, Megan drank, people puked, beer floated in the hot tub and we watched as people that we will probably never see again gorged themselves on Meg's Mac n Cheese with Weiners!

One more thing...This post would not be at all complete without the greatest white trash love song ever! Please take three minutes to listen to this Brad Paisley classic! It will do you good! Especially you guys out there. This one could save your relationship fellas! :-)

Click here for Ode De Toilet!

Click here to watch the white trash party slideshow while you listen!

Bright

2005-08-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

These are the results from our last Flickr Friday! I was amazed as usual at all the wonderful shots. Thank you for showing me all of your wonderful colors!

To see the entire set click here. To see the slideshow click here.

I would like all of you to think about something here. I have been reading your blogs for a long time and every one of you has written about a dark time in your lives. Every one of you has written about something negative that has hurt you or about a situation that you just didn't think that you would get out of.

You all still see the beautiful colors that make every dark situation seem just a bit brighter! There is a reason that I collect all of these pictures and why I take so many of my own.

They make me feel alive.

I may never personally see a sunset in Hawaii or a long haired mexican goddess with flowing black hair modeling a colorful dress but some of you have seen those things and for that moment when that photo was taken you were happy. The world was great and freedom was yours.

I had a CT scan yesterday and I was so scared. The test itself does not hurt but being in that machine just reminds me of when they found all the problems last time and that is very difficult for me. Anyway, Megan had to work yesterday and go to school so I thought that I would be alone for the test.

Right as I was checking in I turned around and she was there. It was like a dream. My eyes welled up in tears and I took her hand. I am writing this because what I recall most from that moment was that she was wearing a very bright striped shirt and her eyes sparkled their brightest blue-green.

My point is that the best moments are the ones that you can look back at see again in full color. I'll never forget that brief second. She was there for me again and I appreciate her so much. This is all getting really hard on me but looking for the positive things in each situation makes it easier.

I hope that everyone out there is doing well. I'm going to pick up the white trash party pictures today and I will post some of them tomorrow. Take care and have a great day. Smile. Smile as much as you can!

Thanks again for all of the amazing photos!

Dream big...

2005-08-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

I am going to keep this post brief because I want you all to have the time to listen to the song that I am linking to. No matter your age, this song has a very special message. I will write about my weekend, medical appointment and post Flickr Friday pics tomorrow.

Grab your kids and ask them to listen to this. Life is valuable. Live it to to the fullest. Never stop dreaming!

Click here for "Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe and The Rubberband

Dream Big Lyrics:
When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain will soon be gone.

(Chorus)
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,
But when the troubles come your way.

(Chorus)
And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.

(Dream big.)
(Dream big.)

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes,
cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and
don't let them know that they have one.
And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all
around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to
help to carry on when the troubles come your way.

Smile today :-)

Your true colors....

2005-08-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

It is Friday! Is it me or does it seem like the days are flying by faster and faster lately? It has been a month since I started Flickr Friday and it is putting along nicely so lets do it again!

This time will require an eye for colors. Please send one or more of your most colorful images. I could use a little brightness right now. Cheer me up! :-) Send photos or links to photos to ruben@eachdaycounts.com.

I hope that everyone has a nice weekend planned. I am going to a white trash theme party tonight with Megan and I have my John Deere t-shirt all wrinkled and ready to go. Now if I can only find my damn trucker cap! I am not sure what to expect from this party but I am sure that it will be fun. Anything to focus my mind off health crap is sure needed right now.

In other news I owe all my readers a HUGE thank you! I met with a couple of folks that I know today and I was given a speaking gig and a contract to sign! So I will be able to talk about my crazy life in front of about 400 people and share some of my photos. The theme of my speech will be, "Each Day Counts!"

This would not be at all possible without all of you and your beautiful comments! Thanks team! One more thing about the speech... Just in time for all the co-pays and doctors visits for my new round of testing...I will be paid $500.00 for my performance! This will help us out alot right now!

So that is where I am at today. I am still madly in love, still fighting the good fight and still keeping my head as high above the depression water line as possible. The sun is shining! Hector is playful! Meg is gorgeous! I am alive! Life could not get much better!

Smile today folks and have a great weekend! Thank you so very much for being in my corner! You guys could all be pro cheerleaders! Think about Meg, Ginger, Ce Ce and Big Hev in sexy cheerleader costumes. Hmmm...Did I say Big Hev? Maybe I have some unresolved issues :-)

Just some words...

2005-08-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

I am feeling creative today. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could have a place to put some of the things that I enjoy writing. Let me see if I can come up with a story here...

Broken

There were just too many tears shed. Too many apologies. Too many words. There were just way too many fucking words and she didn't want to hear him speak anymore. All he ever said was that he loved her but she knew better. Maybe he used to love her. She may never know for sure.

There were times back so long ago when they would make love in the rain and get lost in vast cities. There was that one time in Mexico on the beach when he rescued her from robbers. For a moment he was her hero. Her savior. Her passion. She made that moment last as long as she could but the moment is over now and her bags are packed.

If he wakes she will be gone. It is all so cliche but she can't say goodbye because she has said it before and it never matters. He always makes her stay. She wants to write an angry letter and leave it to linger in his mind. She wants to write, "Fuck you for wasting my life! Fuck you for stealing my dreams! Fuck you for breaking my spirit!" But when her pen hits the paper she will only write, "Thank you for teaching me that I can be free. Thank you for teaching me to love. Thank you for showing me how to mend my own broken heart."

Tomorrow she will be a thousand miles away with a drink in her hand and a new sense of freedom. The sand will feel good between her toes and her head will be clear. There won't be email. There won't be telephones. He will never be able to find her.

She thinks of her new future and listens to the humming of the machines in the tidy white room. Everything smells so clean. Everything is so sterile. Her new life will start clean and sterile. That was the plan all along.

As she sets down the note a nurse comes in to change his sheets. She will never have to change his sheets at home again. She will never have to deal with him. She will be gone. If he ever returns from the coma he will be all alone. As she turns to leave the nurse asks when she will return. As she walks through the heavy wooden door she replies, "In my next life. I will be back in my next life."

That is all I have for now. I am so rusty. I need to just sit and write for hours like I used to. Take care today and stay in touch. Smile today! :-)

My World is Upside Down

2005-08-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to post the results of Flickr Friday. I received lots of great pictures and they really helped me to smile a bit. I needed to smile. Thanks guys!

In regard to my health I am not doing so good. I met with a doctor today to go over my test results from last week and things look a little rough. My liver tests are much worse than last time and I have been scheduled to go in and have some more testing done. In other words, there will be a scope shoved into my ass while I am asleep. I am pretty excited about this! There is nothing like a good ass scoping! :-)

As you can tell I am trying to stay as positive as possible but to be honest I am pretty scared. I cried all the way home from my appointment this morning and I still feel pretty down even though I have had some time to spend with Meg and talk about things.

The part of the meeting with my doctor that is worrying me the most is the possibility that the cancer may be coming back. There is no way to know without all the right tests but as some of you know, if the cancer comes back I have to wait another five years from the date that it is put into remission to qualify to even be considered for a liver transplant. My liver will not last that long. That is a pure fact folks. Whether I like it or not my body is losing it's battle here.

So, my spleen is enlarged and even though a normal person can live without a spleen my doctor told me today that I need a spleen to help my liver function. So if my spleen is all cancerous I am stuck with it...sort of. What I mean is that I will have to decide whether I want it removed or not at some point.

I never wanted to get to the point where I need to decide whether I want quantity of life or quality of life but maybe I am at that point now. Maybe I have been there for a while and just did not want to see it. I am 30. I have Megan. We have wedding plans. What the hell is happening here?

So that is the deal for now. I will keep you all posted on my progress. For now I am going to just relax and enjoy myself. I will be listening to more music now. I will be taking more photos. I will be spending more time near the ocean because like I have said before, the ocean makes all my big ass problems seem so very small and that makes me feel a little better.

It is almost 8:30 here and I am so tired but I won't be able to sleep. I hope that all of you are happy tonight and that you are safe. Hug someone you love tonight because only they can get you through the hard times. Find a child if you don't have one and watch youth in motion. The little girl at the top of this post has no cares in the world. We should all live that way.

To see the rest of the Flickr Friday photos click here.
For the slideshow click here. The kids featured may get a kick out of the fact that they are on a slideshow!

Also, thanks Ginger for having the right words and Nancy for creating my Flickr Friday button. You all are so nice. You have no idea how much that you help me.

Smile today. Smile tomorrow. Smile everyday.

:-)

Viva la sliding guy!!!

2005-08-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers! Today is the day...the day of the week that I have grown to enjoy the most!

Today is Flickr Friday!

This week will be sort of different because I actually received some entries last night before I posted the theme. Roberto from "Running the border. In more ways than one." will be our official guest theme guy this week! Roberto is Elvis from last week!

Roberto sent in the first three photos above and I loved them. I spent my morning scouring my pics to match up with his theme and it actually worked.

Here are the theme shots for this week:

1.) Have someone take a photo of you playing! This is an awesome idea! Do something crazy! Let your heart and mind sink back to the playground! Have fun but please, please don't get arrested like I did in the above photo! I don't have enough cash to bail you guys out but maybe Roberto does! This could all work out!

2.) For the second image, capture the innocence of youth! Roberto captured this chubbly little mariachi player and my image is of a little boy in Mexico City trying his hardest to manage his snack collection! Again, don't get arrested snapping this shot! You are not kidknappers people! Snap the photo where the kid stands! Do not move the kid! :-)

3.) Have you ever seen a really strange tree? I have two in my collection. The one I posted above looks as if it is made of plastic. Robert's tree cannot seem to figure out which way it wants to grow! Clearly, it is a man tree and there are sexy female trees on either side of it!

Can't you just hear that tree saying, "Oh baby those are some sexy needles and your is sap is just killing me!"

Wait a minute, am I the only one here that can hear trees speak? That is odd!

Please email me your photos or a link to them at ruben@eachdaycounts.com.

I will post images on Tuesday as usual. I will say one more time that there are no rules. Use new pics or old ones, dirty ones or clean ones, big ones or little ones. If you don't have time to get them all in just send one. If you have 20 that fit, send them all!

As for me, I am doing ok out here. Still no test results but I am going to rage head on into the weekend. I will be attending a record release party for my favorite band tonight in Sacramento (maybe I will see Ahnold!) and tomorrow I am going to a trade show in San Franciscio with the company that Meg works for.

Sunday and Monday will probably find me passed out on the couch! Have a kick ass weekend and have fun! Make someone happy! Smile! Play! Hug someone that looks lonely!

You guys are helping me live! Thank you so very much! And thanks again Roberto!

Real Beauty and Itchy Bums!

2005-08-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

Ok...Ok... Work with me on this one! You may be thinking, "Ruben must be really sick. The poor guy has finally lost his marbles!" But that is not the case my friends! My marbles are firmly in place! I am lucid! My mind is clear.

Trying to figure out why on earth I have posted the above pic? Because that is real beauty. Well, the hairy thin man with the funny drawers is not really my type but the girl...

That girl has that crazy punk, nerdy chubby look going on and I like it. Most of all she is not afraid to say, "World, this is me in my big ass bikini in all of my chunky splendor!" I like confident women and I don't see many as confident as this girl. She was at The Pride Festival this year in San Francisco.

There is a reason that I am writing this...

Dove (famous for lotions, soaps and shampoo) has come up with a campaign that displays real women. There are no 85 pound Lindsay Lohans or 37 pound Nicole Ritchies! These are real women that were found at real places!

So, if you see a chubby Mexican guy in San Francisco drooling over a lifesize billboard of one of these Dove girls just tap me on the shoulder and say hello. It will be nice to finally meet you! :-)

Read more about the Dove ladies here.

Also...here is the important news of the world today:

A crazy guy made up a story about killing a hitchhiker and burying the body to make his wife leave him. Read the story here! This is hilarious!

Jessica Alba seems to be in need of some powder or ointment! She seems to have developed an itchy ass. See the proof here.

So have a good day out there! I am trying to keep my head up and deal with all of my insanity. I feel better today and I will stay positive. No test results yet.

Smile today! Tomorrow is Flickr Friday!!!!

Memory Loss

2005-08-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what the heck I did but I forgot to add these pictures to the Flickr Friday set. These were taken by Em and I feel really bad that I left them out. So Em, I am sorry. My mind has been lost!

While I am here I will update you guys on the health fiasco. The doctors now have my blood, urine and uh....well nevermind :-) They also have some fresh new x-rays to analyze and in exchange I get to take some new and exciting pills!

So that is the deal. I will let you know what else happens from here.

One more thing...Another Boy Scout was zapped to death by lightning today. Is it me or have the scouts done something wrong to piss off the gods of electricty? I just don't get it.

If you know a scout please get the little man to leave all his metal at home when he heads off to a scouting adventure. For the kids of this generation that includes all weapons and body jewelry including nipple rings. That also includes that goofy looking chain that kids attach to their pants and wallet so they look more like professional skaters, janitors, gang members and members of various punk bands.

In other news, Michael Jackson is moving the hell out of the U.S. and starting over in Bahrain, some guy in Iowa was busted for stealing hundreds of pairs of womens undies from a laundromat, and The University of Missouri is offering classes for teens on the fine art of making explosive devices. What is the world coming too?

One more thing... Tara Reid and Paris Hilton are trying very hard to be positive role models for our youth. Click here to see how they are doing! :-)

Have a great day folks! Smile!

Elvis, Pink Poodles and Milton

2005-08-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

Click the image above to see a larger version.
Access the permanent gallery by clicking here.
Access the slideshow by clicking here.

Well here I am still posting so I must be alive! That is a good thing I suppose. Anyway, today has been another crazy day but I got through it. I am still having a good deal of pain in my lower back, abdomen and liver side but I am still up and moving.

I had all sorts of tests done today so hopefully the mystery will be solved soon. Last year when I was having trouble I ended up having major surgery and living in a hospital for a couple of weeks. I am not really in the mood to do that again so I will be trying to avoid that option.

In good news, Flickr Friday, The sequel was a hit! Thanks alot everyone for once again letting us peak into your private lives! There were some incredible photos submitted and a few people that we should worry about.

We have a guy out there who wants more than anything to be Elvis and we have a woman out there who has somehow dyed her little French Poodle pink. Yep...I said she dyed it pink! Proof is above! :-)

From race fans (Rachael) to professional landscapers (Big Bub from Arkansas) there was a little bit of everything mixed in and I really enjoyed it. Seriously folks, I usually have a feeling when something is really, really wrong with me and I am feeling that now. Maybe this time I will be wrong. Your kind words and inspiration are getting me by here and I thank you very much for that. You guys are making my days better and offering me the hope that I need to win this war!

Smile today! I am trying my best to do the same.

Little Swimmers

2005-08-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

There is just something about the freedom and beauty of youth. I took these photos at a birthday party on Saturday for a nephew of ours. California this summer is about as hot as hell but children never seem to see that. It's the adults that complain about the heat. Maybe we should just lose our inhibitions and take the plunge like these little guys.

Besides just swimming that would probably be a very good way to approach life in general. Maybe I am trying to live that way a little with deciding to move forward with my marriage despite my health concerns. I don't ever want people to say that I never took enough chances. I don't want to be accused of missing out on life.

I have had a very hard weekend in regard to my health. I have been feeling pretty rough over the last couple of weeks but I think that it may be catching up with me. I thought I was getting better but feeling better seems to come in short spurts. I probably should have visited a doctor days ago but I have been avoiding that. I just get so depressed whenever I visit clinics and hospitals because they remind me that I am pretty damn sick.

Either way, I'm going to make the call now. I need to just ask for help and move forward as best I can. If I have to see the doctor today maybe it won't be so bad. It just hurts so much when they poke at my liver side looking for swelling and things. I will deal with it and let you all know what is happening. I just want to feel better. I don't care anymore what has to get me to that point. I am sick of hurting everyday.

One more thing...I have received some great photos for Flickr Friday and I can't wait to get them all posted. Hopefully I will be able to do it tomorrow. I'm sorry that this post is so depressing. I will cheer up soon! I promise! :-) I hope that everyone out there is safe and healthy. Smile today!

I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

2005-07-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

You will never guess who is feeling better! I'll give you a hint... He's chubby, Mexican and full of crap most of the time! Ok...ok you guessed it! My Uncle Joe is doing much better!

Seriously...I feel like I am getting back on my feet here and I want to sincerely thank you all for the wonderful words, kind thoughts and heartfelt prayers. Someone up there must be listening! Thanks guys!

So now what do we do? Shall we Flickr again? It is here! The best day of the week! The day where your creative juices should be trying to escape your bodies!

It is Flickr Friday!

The success of last week blew me away and it was quite the challenge. This time I'll make it really simple.

Please send 1-3 photos of things that you love to do! Ok let me clarify something right off the bat!

Farmers sending photos of their livestock will be sent away. Sorry guys...I have to draw the line somewhere! :-) Pictures of your significant others however are totally allowed. :-) If you want us to know that you get your freak on...show us your freak!

My examples are posted above. Click on any of them to see them larger. I love eating Tacos! I love taking interesting photos and I love reading. Simple. No big deal.

So break out the cams folks. Dig some batteries out of the old junk drawer. Clear a memory card. Have some fun with this one. I can't wait to see what you shoot! Be as creative as possible.

Email photos (the bigger, the better) to:
ruben@eachdaycounts.com

I will post results on Tuesday. You can slack off until late Monday evening!

One more thing...
Meg and I just got back from Target and I bought three new CD's that I will write about soon. Has anyone heard The Dukes of Hazzard Soundtrack, The Cookbook by Missy Elliott or Getting Away with Murder by Papa Roach? If so, let me know what you thought. I think the new Missy will be my favorite. I have always had a crush on her! Wow...now you know way too much about me! Maybe I should also confess my crush on Queen Latifah. Now its all out there folks!

Smile today! Have a great weekend! Flickr away!

The Great Konfabulator

2005-07-28T00:26:00.000-07:00

It is after midnight here and I am awake but I did get a couple of hours of sleep today (finally) and that was needed. Thank you all for so many wonderful messages of hope and encouragement! I feel like a prize fighter with the best corner crew in the sport! You guys need to understand how much your words mean to me. Thank you so much! Also, Megan...Homemade chicken soup!!!! You are a goddess!

The image above is a screenshot of Megan's PC (click image to see much bigger) that I have been playing with. I discovered an amazing FREE application today called Konfabulator and I love it! It allows your PC or Mac to run small programs called widgets that do all sorts of cool things.

Meg's PC is running the following widgets right now:

iTunes Remote
Flickr viewer - It actually works with your Flickr account and can change the image every minute if you want it to. If you don't have a Flickr account it will find and display images on your PC.
Analog Clock
Weather Checker
Calendar
Elegant Sticky Notes
Google Searcher and a few others that save her favorites and allow browsing and searching right off the desktop.

There are almost 700 widgets available for download. For laptop users there are even battery widgets that help you manage your energy usage and wifi access monitors to help you see your signal strength. I am running those on my laptop and they work great!

You guys have to check this out! I know that Ginger will! :-) Join her fellow computer nerds!

Download Konfabulator here.
View available widgets here.

If you need help email me at ruben@eachdaycounts.com and I will be your wise and humble sherpa as you search for desktop enlightenment!

Thank you again everyone. Smile today!

The Gymnast

2005-07-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have been up for over 24 hours and sick as a dog or as sick as a guy with a bunch of damn diseases. This is one of those moments where I feel sick. I feel lost and no matter how positive I want to be I just can't. This may not be the usual inspirational post that you are used to seeing here but I can't be that way today. I'm sorry.

But to be honest this is the kind of day that I designed this blog for. I need to break it all down and spill all my emotions out and I hope that you still read my words even if they are uglier than usual.

I am sitting here on the couch with my wireless laptop listening to Eminem and Ludacris and I really don't know how to feel. I have been throwing up everything and I should get on the phone and call the doctor but I just don't want to.

I am sick and tired of hearing the words, "Mr. Porras, all I can do is give you this prescription. You are a very sick man and we just have to wait to see what happens."

I don't want to wait to see what happens. I just want to grab the doctors by the shirt sometimes and look them in the eye and say, "Listen doctor, I am 30 years old. I have a life. I want a future. There has to be a fucking cure for me! Stop telling me to wait! Fix me damnit!"

But there is no cure and people die from liver diseases like this.

I am crying now. I am sitting here all alone with tears running down my face and all this shit is running through my head. I am shaking and it is hard to even type.

Last night I had the first real conversation with my mom that I have had in months.

She is sick. She is having random siezures and the damn doctors can't help her either. She can't die before me. I could not deal with that. That would kill me faster than any disease.

I have not seen my kids in almost eight months. I miss them but I just can't see them. Their mother is cruel and I can't watch them walk away after our visits anymore.

In nine months I will marry Megan because she understands all my shit better than anyone else and she holds me when I hurt. Nobody else holds me when I hurt. Nobody ever has loved me like her. Has anyone ever loved me at all? She is so pure and soft but at the same time she wears a shield around her and she rarely breaks down when things get really bad.

Anyway, this is probably getting really depressing. I need to focus. I need to listen to my own advice.

I need to smile today.
I need to make today count.

How can I do that? Everything in my body hurts. I am so tired but sleep feels just out of reach and I can't catch it. I need to pass out. I need to eat but I am scared to. I am starving.

The picture above is one that I took over the weekend. Meg took me to a lake because I told her that I wanted to see nature and just play like I did when I was a kid. She is like that. If I told her that I wanted a million dollars she would rob a bank. She is my life...my heart.

I hope that everyone out there is ok today. I hope that I will be ok today. Thank you for reading my rambling confused words. Take care.

The envelope please...

2005-07-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

-Click a photo above to see a larger image-
As you can tell from the photos above Flickr Friday was a total success! I couldn't believe that so many people flooded my email account with so many awesome photos. I believe that the best part of the whole project was that I am sitting here in California looking at photos from all over the world! I received pictures from Spain, Canada, Britain and other amazing places and I think that is really cool! The world is getting smaller everyday!

As promised, I have provided hosting for all the photos that have been submitted and they can be seen together by clicking here. There were over three dozen photos submitted altogther! Make sure that you see them all. They are great!

You can even view a slideshow of the images by clicking here.

I have no idea what I will do for next week or even if you guys will want another mission of mercy but I will come up with something.

Also, special thanks to Donna for not giving up the project after almost getting killed in an alley by a pack of snarling ravenous dogs while she was looking for "that perfect shot." And thanks to Megan, my dear fiance for letting me enjoy a near death experience when she made me stop the car and turn it off on a dark road in the middle of absolutely freaking nowhere so she could get the perfect shot of a California night sky and one lone star. Too bad she only got a picture of her elbow in the rear view mirror!!!! Honey, we could have died out there! But hey, we were together at least!

So that's it folks! We did it and the pictures were beautiful!

Thanks Tina, Gerard, CeCe, Mat, Megan, Donna, Ginger, Lily, Becky, Rachael, Jane and Mitzee for the great shots and for working with me on this. It was nice to see the world through your eyes! Feel free to direct people to the links to see the photos. They will be there forever!

I will write more about my weekend later when I have a bit more time. I'll leave you with a brief description for now...

It was a wild weekend of swimming, exploring, near death experience, dog ass, lovers and a gymnast that was just adorable!

Have a great day folks! If you have any suggestions or comments let me know. Smile.

Shall we photo now?

2005-07-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I have a new idea! I often see blogs that have a sort of routine to them and I wanted to try that now that I have a few dedicated and oh so loyal readers.

So my partners in crime...today shall be forever known as the very first...

FLICKR FRIDAY!

If you have no idea what Flickr is or just don't have an account, have no fear! This will be simple. I just want as many people as possible to take six pictures over the weekend and send them to me via email or send me a link to them if they are saved in a service like Flickr or on the web somewhere else.

On Tuesday or Wednesday I will post a collage of some of the photos and provide a link where they can all be seen. This will help us all get to know one another!

So try to take as many of the following six photos as possible and have fun! Be creative! There are no rules here! Naked images get extra points but photos taken by R Kelly and Michael Jackson will not be tolerated and will be sent back :-)

1.) A picture of something old. Maybe from an antique store or car show or just make Grandma say cheese! Naked pictures of Grandma will also be sent back! Well, unless you have one of those really hot Grandmas like the lady on the Bowflex commercials :-)
2.) A picture of furniture. It can be yours or taken at a store or stolen even. I don't care.
3.) Something moving fast. Maybe at a car race or on a busy street. Grandma won't work for this one folks. She is way too slow!
4.) A statue. This one could be a challenge. Garden gnomes are perfect for this and will be accepted. I love those damn Travelocity commercials!
5.) The sky. Above you is a great place to start looking for this shot! :-)
6.) A picture of you in something. Coffins won't be accepted because they are just scary but a mirror reflection would be an idea.

I really hope to get some comments on this. Send photos (any size because Meg bought me super mega turbo race car speed pro DSL) to:
ruben@eachdaycounts.com
or just leave the link to the photo in a comment.

Have fun! Don't bother Grandma too much! Smile! Keep working on those goals! Indy Girl, put down the freakin' matches already!!!

Let's Get It On!

2005-07-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Before I write anything else I want to thank Cece for providing the word "Moobs." Is there a better name for man boobs? I don't think so!

I also wanted to thank Jenny for writing this great tip: "When you´re hungry, think of a colour, and then pick a vegetable or fruit with that colour." This is a great idea. Thanks!

One more thing before we get started please click here and show another blogger some love. She is down in the dumps today.

Over 20 Comments yesterday! Many people needing encouragement! We are really moving now!

First, we need to break some more international copyright laws so we can have a soundtrack for this post. We need music that is going to make us focus. We need music that will motivate us to run a marathon!

» Click here for Jump Around by House of Pain!

Now we can get hoppin' folks! I hope everyone out there is working on their goals today. I plan on walking today and eating healthy. I may even try to use Meg's ab roller machine if I get brave. One step at a time right? We can do this!

Now, please check out the blogs of the following people and offer some encouragement if you have some time. This will get the ball rolling.

Chantel is working on a diet and excercise program with her daughter. You can do it ladies!
Bec wants to rip into her gym membership and come out 25 pounds lighter.
Em's husband is also working on man boob reduction. You can do it man! Down with the moobs!
Lindsay wants to give up her morning bagel with tons of cream cheese.
Lillie is working on a diet.
Becky's dad is trying to break his habit of drinking a six pack of beer every night.
JC is working on the 'body for life' diet.
Kiki is working on a hot summer bod. This one confuses me. The photo on her site is hot already!
Amanda is working on having a fun life full of new adventures!
Big Hev is working on becoming the nicest guy in the whole freakin' world by donating blood and offering wise advice!

And our biggest challenge is Indy Girl who wrote, "I personally would like to stop setting fire to stolen babies after I smoke the crack I bought with my pimping money." Actually she wants to stop drinking so much Mountain Dew. Thanks Indy Girl for making Meg and I laugh!

So encourage these folks when you can and keep writing any comments and tips that you may have! Smile today!

Man Boobs

2005-07-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Today we start a project...
We are on a mission...
We will call this mission:

OPERATION MAN BOOB REDUCTION

So here is the deal...
Yesterday I attended my first yoga class and I hated it. I was only there for an hour but that was enough to realize just how out of shape that I am. I thought yoga was all about breathing, stretching and focusing on a positive vibe. I woke up this morning feeling like I got hit by a truck. My neck is all jacked up, my back is in knots and my calves are all tense. What the hell?

It did not say anything in the course description about me being on all fours with my big ass up in the air and my arms shaking under all my weight. It did not say a damn thing about me sweating like a wild pig while cheerleaders looked at me like I was the kid from the special education class!

There is a point here. I need to lose some weight. With my medical conditions it is hard for me to lose weight but I have to be under 200 lbs. to qualify for a transplant.

This is where all of you nice people come in. I need some encouraging words here. I need cheerleaders. Maybe some of you will want to join me in this project and we can get better fit together.

The first thing we will need is a song. I am a nut...I need a song for everything. So here goes more international copyright law breaking:

» Click here for the theme from Rocky!

Now we have a little 'Eye of the Tiger' so we can begin. I'm not sure if I will continue with body torture 101 (yoga) but I do intend to find a scale to weigh my fat ass (there is a truck stop just up the road) and then go from there. I believe that I weigh about 220 or so so I will focus on 200. I would like to hit 175 so I can be high school sexy again but I don't have to go that far. I am already pretty damn sexy :-)

Random question: If Beyonce is 'Bootylicious' does that make me 'Buddahlicious?' :-)

So, leave a comment or email me and let me know if you want to join in on the fun! We can do this! If you don't want to lose weight come up with something else that you need a little help with. This is your shining moment! This is your golden opportunity!

Stop smoking, get rid of the crack habit, stop starting fires for no reason, stop stealing babies, stop being a pimp. Whatever it is...we will do it together!

One more thing, I came across a blogger yesterday that wrote about a kid projectile shitting in public! Now that is funny! If you need some milk to come out of your nose check out Lily's One Woman Circus! This is just crack the hell up funny! :-)

Smile today! We can do this!

I Hope Tomorrow Is Like Today

2005-07-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Megan and I went to see "Wedding Crashers" with her family and I must say that it could have been better. There were some great scenes but we could have saved the fam some some cash and went to the old video store for this one.

Anyway, regular readers know that I love music and there was a song in this movie that was really great. It is by a band called, Guster and these guys are really great. The song is called, "I Hope Tomorrow Is Like Today" and it really made me think.

Now, I say 'each day counts' in just about everything I do and I try to stick to that. This song makes you realize how lucky you are today and that tomorrow will be amazing if it is anything like today. Really, think about that...

You may be having a really screwed up day but someone loves you, someone needs you, music is available and you have your health. Circumstances may change for tomorrow but you have a hell of a base to work with.

For example, tomorrow I will wake up and the beautiful plants that are featured above will be on my porch waiting for my attention. That makes me happy. Life is good.

So here I go again breaking international copyright laws...
» Click here for the song

As always, I will say that this works much better with a high speed connection. Also, if you like the song, buy a Guster album...good stuff!

And for those of us that like to analyze songs, here are the lyrics to read while grooving to the tune. Wait a darn minute... Did I just write, "grooving to the tune?" What the hell has happened to my ability to not sound old?

I Hope Tomorrow Is Like Today
I'm awake, you're still sleeping
The sun will rise like yesterday
Everything that we are now
Is everything we can't let go
Or its gone forever, far away
I hope tomorrow is like today
Don't you go away tomorrow
I don't think I could handle that
You're probably dreaming that you're flying on
Then you start to fall
But then you rise
and shine forever
Don't go away
I hope tomorrow is like today

One more thing...a really nice lady named Sadie commented on my blog today but her link did not work to get back to her. If You are reading this Sadie and you still want to have a sexy, sleek, super sweet blog, click here. That will put you in touch with Ginger at Baby Jane Blogs. She is a great designer and she is my hero in times of emotional blog crisis! In other words, she saves my fat ass when I break shit! :-)

Smile today folks and just know that no matter how bad the day seems that there is someone out there thinking about you. If you can't think of anyone let me know and then I can think happy thoughts about you!

Nose Rings and a Man Named Pookie

2005-07-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

I am happy to live a very colorful life...

Yesterday Megan and I made another trip into San Francisco and had a great time. We have been there so many times now (we really should live there) but we have never been to The Mission District so we chose that as our destination.

As soon as we got off the subway at 24th and Mission I heard Mexican music, laughing kiddos, wailing sirens and screaching brakes and it was all painted onto the walls of the area in the form of amazing colorful art. For a minute I was back in Mexico City! What a great feeling!

So we walked all over The Mission and I even got a chance to practice my Spanish at a restaraunt that was so good that I thought that Meg might actually leave me for the burrito cook! I can see her now, Megan Rene Maria Fuentes in a little apron serving chips and salsa to the masses! Great image! :-)

Now this is a girl that generally eats like a bird but she really tore up a massive chicken burrito. I had carnitas tacos and although they came second to what my uncle David would make, they were pretty damn good. For 30 minutes or so we were knee deep in salsa, rice, chips and lime juice. Heaven I tell you...heaven!

If you ever have a chance to visit San Francisco you have to visit Fisherman's Wharf and Union Square but you should really get off the beaten tourist track and walk through The Mission, China Town, North Beach and The Marina District. Get lost in vast alleys covered in Grafitti and eat meals in places that don't look fit for human consumption...they always have the best food!

After our tour of little Mexico we attended a party for Pride Festival volunteers and had a great time. Out of 1,000 amazing volunteers, about 20 of us were given certificates of honor for outstanding service and to our surprise we were two of them! It was really cool to be recognized. We will definitely volunteer as long as we can.

About the man named Pookie and The Nose Ring...those were just a few of the great photos that we took on our little trip. The colors of the city infused together with the colors of pride and freedom and the colors of mexico all set to music and carried by an ocean breeze....what a beautiful day!

Click here to see a slideshow of all our most recent photos.

Smile today. Have an adventure.

Rotten Ass

2005-07-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever smelled something so rank that you swear that you may have forever damaged your sense of smell? Instantly you start thinking that you won't ever smell fresh baked cookies again or the sweet cologne of your lover. You will never smell the baby powder scent of a baby. You will forever be robbed of your ability to appreciate the scent of a rose or the exciting scent of a new car. That happened to me today. I think I am ruined. My nose is broken! Whatever will I do?

Let me give you some background on me. I go through periods where I swear that I am obsessive compulsive. I try to focus way to much on making things right and I dwell on things that really bother me way too much. My sense of smell is a big problem for me and it has driven Meg nuts since we got together.

You see, I seem to be able to smell things that other people can't smell. Maybe it is my wacked out crazy ass mind playing tricks on me. I have no idea what my problem is. But whatever it is it makes scents very strong to me whether they really exist or not. In some cases that is good. But in some cases that is just really, really bad.

For instance, when Megan splashes on "Dior me...Dior me not" perfume the scent comes alive to me and we usually end up well...you know! :-) But when I am near a baby and the little bugger takes a massive crap or when Hector decides to pass gas, it about knocks me the hell out. The thing that bugs Meg the most is when I say that certain things smell like rotten ass. Now, I have no idea what rotten ass smells like but it can't be good.

The conversation usually goes something like this, "Damn Megan what is that horrible stench? It smells like rotten ass!" Meg will respond by looking incredibly irritated and saying something like, "I don't smell a damn thing honey." What the hell is your problem?" It drives her crazy.

So, today I decide to clean out my funny little Toyota that has been sitting in the sun all week in 100 degree + temperature because I have not felt up to going anywhere. As soon as I opened the door I damn near fainted. My head got all woozy and those two words came screaming into my head like a train wreck! Rotten ass!!!! Rotten ass!!!! Rotten ass!!!! So standing alone on my quiet street I ask my car, "What the hell is that awful smell?" The car never responds. Not a big surprise.

It turns out that we had left not one but two containers of Hector's dog food in there the last time we had him with a sitter. This is not dry dog food. This is wet, nasty, brown, shit-looking dog food that we are not sure that he even likes. Anyway, both containers had come open somehow (damn you Ziploc) and permeated the car with a funk that was almost the death of me. The good news is that I don't think that I have any nose hair left. The bad news is that I have to either start the car on fire or sell it.

Selling it may be hard because California has strict disclosure laws. So, if you are on the web or grab a paper here in central, California, look for an ad that reads:

2003 metallic blue Toyota Matrix.
Very low miles. Gently used.
Sirius Satellite Radio, A/C, Automatic.
Capacity for 5 adults. Huge cargo area.
Smells like rotten ass. Call for more details.

Nobody will buy this car. I need matches. Matches and gasoline!

Thank you all for the nice comments about yesterdays post. I am feeling a little better. My lame sense of humor is coming back. I left a message with my doctor. I will keep you all informed. Smile today!

Her Face Makes Me Feel Alive

2005-07-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what the heck is wrong with me today but I feel really crappy. I have felt like this for a few days now and I have been trying to ignore the symptoms but I think I may need to contact my doctor soon. I have developed a bruise on my abdomen just outside of where my liver would be and I not sure how it got there. I don't recall getting hit by anything or running into anything.

Maybe it is the heat or maybe I need more rest but I would have to be unconscious to rest more than I have been. Either way, like the title of this post implies, I will spend as much time with Meg today as possible. She looks very pretty today and I could not resist taking a few pictures of her. When I feel like I do today I look at her and know that she will take care of me and that feels great. That makes me feel safe and alive and there is no better feeling than that.

I will call my doctor in the morning and let you all know what is happening. I have been trying so hard to be relaxed lately and have some fun but I will be honest here. When I feel this way it takes all the strength that I have not to just break down and cry. I just want to sleep and hope that the pain goes away a bit and that the bruises stop forming.

Smile today and have a great day. All we can all do is stay positive.

The World is all F@#%ked Up

2005-07-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ok I am hanging around today with Hector and I am trying to think of fun things to do to get out of the house. Then all of a sudden I get a brilliant idea and I look at Hector and say, "Well little friend, do you want to take a walk to the park?" He looked up at me with a really dumb look on his little dog face and I could just tell what he was thinking.

My plan was to get out a camera, head over to the park and watch kid's play. Ok you may be thinking what I thought people might think and if you are you should be ashamed.

Right as I was about to bust out the doggie gear I thought to myself that people might get the wrong idea about a single guy cruising the local park with a cute puppy.

It's not like I would use the dog as bait and say crazy shit like, "Sure you can pet my puppy and while you're at it do you want to come back to my place for some crack and whiskey?" I mean, who the hell am I? R-Kelly? Michael Jackson? I don't think so. I mean, don't get me wrong, a pet monkey would be cool but I clean up enough shit already with the chihuahua. And bananas...well they are not free!

My point is this...people nowadays are afraid of everything and everybody! In Mexico people let me take their pictures, pictures of their kids, pictures of their farm animals and one guy wanted me to take a "special" picture of him with his farm animal. That is a whole different post for a whole different type of site! :-) People were just so relaxed there.

I know there have been some crazy things happening lately in the world but things have gone too far. People are almost to the point where they might just start locking up their families and pray for the best. We will have a whole generation of freaks that can't deal with the public. We can just hope that they don't all get nose jobs and move into Peter Pan's house.

The saddest part of this whole day will be the hangover that I have in the morning. How the hell will I ever consume all this crack and whiskey alone? Maybe Hector can help me out! Damn this evil world!

Smile today :-)

Countryman

2005-07-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone reading this blog for a while knows that I am a huge Willie Nelson fan. I believe that this 72 year old freedom loving, pot smoking tax evader is one of the greatest song writers of all time and he deserves a great deal of credit for meshing different types of music that others have just never had the courage to mesh together.

After 10 long years in the making Willie released his new album, "Countryman" today. The kicker is this...this is a reggae album. When I first heard about this project I thought Willie may have just been hittin' the old pipe a little too much and may have finally lost his mind but at the same time I thought that it may just be really, really great. He never does anything that is just too awful to listen to.

I am glad that I had an open mind about this album! It is full of lush reggae grooves that make you want to bust out the tye dye shirts (I am wearing one right now) and the soulful country lyrics that make every Willie song special. This is an album that should be treasured.

I know that I must be breaking some federal copyright laws here but maybe Willie will understand. If you have a high speed connection (or just some patience) click here to hear the song, "I guess I've Come to Live Here " from the album. This song makes me think about this picture of Megan. All I can say is, Megan, I guess I have come to live here in your eyes.

Open your mind today folks. Open your hearts. This album is amazing! Smile today!

One more thing...if you try to buy this album at Wal-Mart you will notice that the cover art is different from the photo above. They have chosen to replace the marijuana leaf with a palm tree. Spend the couple extra bucks and buy the one that Willie helped design. I really hate Wal-Mart sometimes. Who do those people think they are? This is America!

Bubba and Earl

2005-07-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

I know that Hurricane Dennis was serious and I shouldn't poke fun at the victims but this picture is hilarious!

I can just imagine what the guy with his hand up is saying...

"OK Earl I know I forgot somethin' but at least we was able to save these here cigs! I mean the lil' one and the old lady will be ok right? I got the truck to higher ground, managed to save all my Garth Brooks records and put the hound up in a shelter. But lord have mercy! What would I have done without Ziploc baggies to save these here cigs?"

Have a great day out there :-)

Love is...

2005-07-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

This photo is titled, "The Original Adam and Eve" and it is included in a set of photos that I have mentioned here before called, "Love is..."

When I first mentioned the set it was quite new but it now includes over 250 of the most interesting photos that I have ever seen. Eventually there will thousands of photos in this set and it will be cool to watch it grow.

If you have not looked at this set in a while or never before take some time to give it shot. If you are down it will make you feel alive and excited. If you are happy it will make you even happier. If you are an emotional person it may just make you cry.

The set is simple and includes photographs of what people love. There are many of pets, a few of pregnant ladies, plenty of lovers kissing and just a day or so ago someone added photos of bacon. I will be adding a permanent link to this set in my pull down menu so we can all watch it grow together. If you feel ambitious join Flickr for free and add your own images to the set.

Have a great day today. Love someone today.

Click here to watch the show.

Russian Troops

2005-07-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the feedback yesterday about the new blog look. I have been playing with it a bit more and I think I will stick with it for a while and see what happens. I especially want to thank Ginger at Baby Jane Blog Designs for helping me with all the coding issues that I have had. Before Ginger came along I thought HTML was just short for hate mail! Ok...maybe I was not that dumb but close...pretty darn close.

The main point of this whole change was to make my photos stand out better. I hope that is working. I took the above photo in a gift shop near here and I thought that it came out pretty nice. I got some funny emails to me via Flickr because I titled the photo, "Russian Troops." I really did not mean to offend anyone.

I hope that everyone out there is safe and happy today. I read that Atlanta got pretty banged up by storms and that Cuba got beat down with 150 MPH winds from Hurricane Dennis. After last year when Florida got pounded I would have sold my belongings, packed up Meg and the Chihuahua and moved the hell out of there. But some people stayed for the love of their communities and that is respectable. I hope everyone there is safe this season. The forecasts are predicting massive storms. Umbrellas...you people are going to need big ass umbrellas!

Smile today through the wind and rain. Smile today no matter what!

One more thing...I changed the link in the drop down area so that instead of seeing one photo of me you can see around 50! Now you can see the Wild Mexican in a variety of different habitats! Have fear! I hope that I don't cause mass blindness. This is a warning!

The World

2005-07-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am posting this photo today because I just needed to be able to have something positive to look at. I woke up this morning around 3 (just did not sleep well) and the first thing I did was grab my trusty PDA to read the news in bed.

So, I surf over to cnn.com and there are pictures of London and rumors of a terror attack. Since then nearly 40 people have been confirmed dead and there are almost 1,000 people hurt. What the hell is happening in the world?

There was a man on the news today that was explaining that terrorists simply feed on creating fear and mass paranoia. The whole world is scared today. London has one of the largest intelligence bureaus in the world and there are literally thousands of cameras all over London to catch criminal activity. I just don't understand how this went undetected but I am sure that the answer to the puzzle will reveal itself soon. Is it likely that this could happen in The United States again? I don't know if anyone knows for sure. That is the scary part.

Today London should be in our hearts and on our minds. I feel so sorry for the people that are mourning losses today. Imagine saying goodbye to a loved one expecting them back at the end of the day only to learn that you will never see that person again. Life is a crazy road. There is no telling when a detour will surface or where a pothole will be.

Off the topic...I am testing out new design ideas for the old blog and I would love some opinions. I was going for something stark and clean to better display my images. I fear that this design is just too plain. Or is it? You be the judge.

Also, please take the time to read a new blog that has just come to my attention. It is written by a woman in Texas named Calli and I believe that she is Megan's third cousin. Anyway, she is really excited about starting a blog and would love a few readers to stop by and say hello to her. Personally I need to thank Calli for all of the nice words that she wrote about me. I hope to meet her one day! Click here to read her words.

Smile today, love today and hold someone close today. Megan is at work and only a phone call away but I miss her today more than usual. I will hold her tight tonight.

The 4th

2005-07-04T15:53:00.000-07:00

Well here we are...Since 1776 we have been free and many men and woman have died to protect that right. I spent yesterday in the hills of Northern California Antique shopping with Megan and her Mom and Dad and it was nice to see the American spirit alive and well in the town that we were in.

This morning we slept in only to wake up and find that Hector has escaped (we found him later after hanging up 15 fliers in the neighborhood) and that we had a Message from Matora on the answering machine. It is a special day to get a call from him because he is stationed in Iraq and to know that he is safe always warms our hearts. I would have loved to speak to him today. Maybe he will call later.

Enjoy today and have a beautiful time doing whatever that you are doing. I'll be consuming the requisite potato salad and something barbecued and watching the streets come alive with fireworks.

One more thing...I got invited to join a Flickr.com photo group yesterday called "Love is..." The link below will take you to a slideshow of the photos that people have submitted thus far. It is wonderful to see what people consider love to be. I have 16 of my photos in the show. Enjoy it and smile today! We are alive and free thanks to people like Matora.

Click here for show

The Tooth

2005-07-01T16:41:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I am at the local corner store today buying an energy drink because I am on a mission to mow the front lawn irregardless of the billion dregree temperature that is baking our little city and I see this woman get out of her car. Now...I live in a decent neighborhood. It's not like Neverland Ranch or anything super groovy like that but the people here are usually nice and fairly decent.

So, the woman getting out her car looks at me and smiles and I notice that she has maybe one tooth. Her skirt is all torn up and it is clear that she has had I don't know...70 or 80 kids and she has never once bought one of them new fangled contraptions that some women refer to simply as a bra. To be brutally honest here she looks like an accident victim and it must have been one hell of an accident.

As I am about to enter the store the woman calls out to me and says, "Hey boy do you like what you see? I am available for parties!" I have no snappy comeback but I cannot help to think just about what kind of party this sexy passion goddess may be available for.

Maybe I could invite her over for a Tupperware party or one of those cheesy candle parties. Maybe she could be "Bucky the cracked out clown" at the next childrens party that I have to go to. So anyway, the lady enters the store and you will never guess what she buys. Ok...if you said cigarettes, beer and lottery tickets...you win! Ok, so that was an easy guess.

What is it with people like this that have to be so obvious about the things that they do. It would have been one thing if she would have walked in and bought a newspaper or a Slurpee or something but I just knew from looking at her that she would buy exactly what she bought. I don't mean to judge a book by it's cover here or anything like that but this was just an odd situation that got me thinking.

If you want to book this braless, toothless sex goddess for your next party let me know and I will see if I can get you a discount. This could easily be the girl of your dreams. You know that there is some guy out there in the world looking for someone just like this to love forever. Hell, if someone would be nuts enough to love me...this crazy ass lady really has a great chance!

Smile today...no matter how many teeth you have!!!

Pride Weekend

2005-06-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

The photo above contains all the things that I really love about life. There is color, two gorgeous smiles and a beautiful undeniable sense of freedom and innocence.

This was taken over the weekend on Castro Street in San Francisco, CA during the cities annual Gay Pride Weekend. To see all the photos we took over the weekend click here.

Even though we aren't gay, Megan and I attended the celebration this year as volunteers and for two awesome days we celebrated and basked in all the amazing colors. We are believers that gay marriage should be legalized based on the fact that people should be able to express their love no matter their circumstances. This picture is a prime example of that. Hell, if this lady really loves a box turtle she should be proud and they deserve to be happy! :-)

Look at us for example; People may think that we are crazy for getting engaged because I am ill and need a transplant but we just don't think that way. Megan has said from the time that we found out that I was ill that she would rather endure this battle as my wife. It may sound funny to say, but I love our love. I finally found a crazy hippy chick with a tye dyed heart that will attend freedom celebrations with me and listen to Willie Nelson for hours and hours and I'll be damned if I will let her go.

To be honest, if there was a man that made me feel the way that I do about her I would love him just as much. There would have to be the sense of physical attraction (maybe this guy) :-) there also of course but it is ultimately what Megan has inside her that I love the most.

This photo of Megan and I explains why she is just so pretty to me. Look at those eyes! Hazel diamonds floating on top of an ocean of blue! They shine like all of her...all the time and that is just wonderful to me!

If you get the chance to attend a pride celebration give it a chance. Just show up with an open mind and a free spirit with or without clothes and just have fun! The little girl in the photo carries a precious sense of wonder in her eyes. We all should. Smile today.

One more thing...I have never done this before but I would like to Dedicate this post to a man named Woody that was a very dear friend of Megan's family. Woody married his partner at the home of Megan's family just a few short years before his life was taken by The AIDS virus. Woody contracted the virus when he was sexually assaulted as a child.

Woody was a terminally ill man that Megan loved and cared for for many years. Does that sound familiar? Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this. I am not a religious man by any means but I firmly believe with all of my heart that Megan was sent from above to help Woody and I. She was also granted a dent resistant heart to help her deal with the pain. If I don't make it through all this crap that I fight you all will see Megan shortly after I go helping someone just like Woody and I. That is just what she does. Thanks Megan. I love you honey.

Post #100!

2005-06-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

Wow! I just did some quick math (something I am not very good at) and I have discovered that this is my 100th post! So, in the the tradition of many other bloggers I have decided make a list of 100 things about me. These are things that you may or not know about me. These are things that that you may not want to know about me.

Seriously...It has been a nice trip getting to this point. Thank you all so much for reading thousands and thousands of my crazy words and for looking at hundreds of my strange photos.

Here we go...

1> My name is Ruben James Porras.
2> I was named after my father and not the Kenny Rogers song or the famous sandwich.
3> I was born in Redding, CA.
4> I won't go back there because the bridges that I didn't burn are bridges that I don't want to cross.
5> I now in live in Modesto, CA. This is the home of Gary Condit and Scott Peterson. It is also a breeding ground for hate and intolerance.
6> I want to leave here very soon.
7> I need to live near a beach because the ocean has the power to make all my big ass problems look amazingly small.
8> I am engaged.
9> Her name is Megan and she is hands down the prettiest girl in the world.
10> Megan's eyes make me smile.
11> Megan's heart makes me live.
12> Megan's words make me laugh.
13> I don't like sleeping alone.
14> That is because I am afraid that I might get sick in the middle of the night and there won't be anyone to help me.
15> I have the same terminal liver disease that killed Walter Payton, the famous football star.
16> I need a new liver so I can live forever.
17> I am a cancer survivor.
18> But because I had cancer I don't qualify for a new liver.
19> I could die young of my illness.
20> I am not interested in dying because I want to see how far Megan will go in Life.
21> I wanted to own a Lexus by the time I was 30.
22> I am 30 now and I have a Toyota Matrix that I can barely afford.
23> I like cheese.
24> But not just any cheese. I like the Tillamook brand of mild cheddar that is made in Oregon.
25> I don't think I can legally go to Oregon because I never paid a speeding ticket I got there years ago.
26> My favorite painting is titled, "Diego en mi Pensamiento" by Frida Kahlo.
27> I want someone to love me as strongly as Frida loved Diego Rivera.
28> I would love to go on a cross country roadtrip.
29> I want to visit Spain in my lifetime.
30> There is something special about tye dyed shirts.
31> I could be an old hippy.
32> I love the music of Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard.
33> I could be an old cowboy.
34> Maybe I just want to be old. I don't want to die young.
35> Willie Nelson is my favorite old cowboy hippy.
36> Willie Nelson is the the only old cowboy Hippy that I have ever heard of.
37> I hate wearing shoes.
38> When I have to wear shoes I wear Teva Sandals.
39> I want to ride my mountain bike more.
40> But I get lazy or tired and it sits in my garage.
41> I have a Chihuahua named Hector the Protector.
42> Sometimes I say that I don't like him but the truth is that he keeps me from getting too lonely.
43> I really love plants.
44> I kill most of the plants I get. But the succulents and cactuses on my porch stay alive becaue they don't require too much care.
45> I require way too much care.
46> Sometimes I get really lonely.
47> Sometimes I cry.
48> I take about 20 pills per day.
49> They are meant to keep me alive. I guess they work. I am still here.
50> The medicine makes me very tired.
51> But I can't sleep at night without even more medicine.
52> Maybe I don't sleep well because I am never at peace.
53> I always feel lost.
54> I won't ever get a college degree if I can't figure out math and Science.
55> I long to be a writer.
56> I have always wanted to run a small newspaper in a small town.
57> There seems to be something stopping my dreams from coming true.
58> I think it is me.
59> I like to take showers at night in the dark.
60> Nobody knows that I do that so I don't have to see my scars and bruises.
61> My scars and bruises remind me that I am sick.
62> Mexcio makes me happy.
63> The colors there are different.
64> The people there seem nicer.
65> I could live in a hut on a Mexican beach.
66> But I never will because Megan would never do that.
67> I don't think I could live without Megan.
68> I don't want to try.
69> Lately there has been some distance between Megan and I.
70> That scares the hell out of me.
71> I need to close that gap.
72> I tell everybody that 'each day counts' and to 'smile today.'
73> But there are times when I want to fall asleep and not wake up.
74> I love my father.
75> I fear my mother.
76> Her and I are just too much alike so we butt heads.
77> She is getting older and is not very healthy anymore.
78> I hope she outlives my father because I don't think he could live without her.
79> I miss fishing trips with my dad.
80> He taught me how to cry and not be ashamed.
81> My sister hates me.
82> She hates me because I don't see my children.
83> I don't see my children because I hate seeing them go.
84> I also don't want to deal with their mother.
85> I married her because she got pregnant.
86> That was the biggest mistake of my life.
87> I miss my babies very much.
88> They didn't call me yesterday on Father's Day.
89> I acted like that didn't hurt me.
90> It broke my heart.
91> I take pictures of people that I don't know because I think their lives are more interesting than mine.
92> I take pictures of ugly things and make them look beautiful.
93> I love my pet fish because they are supposed to have very short memories.
94> There are so many things that I wish I could forget.
95> I love tacos with lots of lime juice.
96> I want to die before my Grandma Rose because I don't want to see her go.
97> I love the pain that Tattoos cause.
98> I am scared of needles.
99> My favorite song lyric is, "I want to see you walking backwards to get the sensation that you're coming home" by Adam Duritz of Counting Crows.
100> I spent two hours typing this list and I will spend the rest of my life thinking about it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Now for the next 100 posts...
Smile today.

Checking in....

2005-06-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

I just sort of feel like posting tonight and letting out some feelings. I am sort of scared right now because the last week or so I have been getting tired very easily and I am napping a lot. I get scared when I feel this way because I am not sure what my body is trying to tell me.

Maybe I am trying to do too much again. I am taking a demanding fast-paced Biology class and the mental strain from that is taxing but I should be able to get through it. Along with that I am trying to help Meg plan her parent's big 25th anniversary party but I must admit I am not much of a help. She is just so on the ball! I can't keep up with her.

But I will keep my head up and keep on writing and taking pictures. What I really need to do is read more. That would be really good for me I bet. I just need to get my mind to relax a bit.

So...there it is. Possibly the most most boring blog post ever! But hey, it made me feel better and think so that is good right?

Also, I need new design ideas. I want to go clean and white and more readable. Let me know what you think.

Help someone today. Hold someone today. Smile today.

Read this one :-)

2005-06-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Click on the photo see it in more detail.

I am really proud of myself today! As you all know, I love to write and take pictures and my ultimate goal is to get a liver transplant, survive this health battle and do something in journalism, photography or public relations. In order to get to that point I have to be really focused and try to get my work out to the public as much as possible.

The crazy photo above (army ants in mexico) and 19 others were just selected to appear online in a new modern art/self-expression publication called The Noyse. This is a small step in the grand scheme of things and I understand that but it sure makes me feel better about my goals! I may be heading in the right direction! Finally! This is a big step for me!

Please take some time to check out The Noyse by clicking here. They even put one of my photos, "The End" on their homepage! To see my collection on their site browse over to the self expression part of their site or just click here.

Thank you for taking this crazy ride with me. Maybe we can take it together all the way to a book deal at some point. Just by reading this and by responding once in a while you all make my life much easier and that means the world to me. It really does!

Smile today! I sure am! :-)

5 Guys/One City

2005-06-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just feel trapped in life? The photo above is one that I took on Haight Street in San Francisco the other day while I was hanging out with Matora, his brothers and a guy named Sherm. Actually, I am not really sure if his name was Sherm or not. He is great guy though and he has a wicked shoe fetish. Have a groovy pair of Nikes from the 90's? Send them his way!

Anyway, we had a great time and I learned a few valuable lessons from the experience.

Valuable lesson #1- I am old and really, really out of style! I learned this when I had to all but beg a doorman to let me into a fashionable club wearing a tye dyed shirt and Docker shorts. What the hell happened to my sense of fashion? I need help!

Valuable lesson #2- Don't let anyone named Sherm drink 10 or 20 shots of Hennessy and then try to talk to a sexy stripper named Rene. The poor girl was only trying to sell Sherm a lap dance dance when Sherm explained to her that she was not worth anywhere near the $5.00 per minute the dance would of cost. That from a guy who spent $500 on shoes in one day. Maybe Rene should have been selling laces or polish!

Also, if you feel crazy or just happen to be with a soldier or group of guys celebrating a bachelor party and you just happen to be in San Francisco you have to check out the corner of Columbus and Broadway! What a trip!

Valuable lesson #3- Just because you are the only guy who can't drink alcohol is no reason to drink nothing but Red Bull the entire night. If several Red Bulls are consumed it is possible that you will end up with shaky hands and the amazing ability to be able to pee every four or five minutes! I could have been the new superhero, Piss Man! "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's carrying a toilet!"

Valuable lesson #4- San Francisco clam chower/bread bowls are more addicting than crack! Consume with caution! If you eat too many you may end up saying things like...click here for the words.

That is the bulk of what I learned on our adventure. I also got some great pics that show off Haight Street, grafitti, amazing wall murals of Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix and I got some interesting information about smoking addiction.

To see my latest pictures click here. This will get you to a slideshow where you can adjust the length of time each photo shows. Three-five seconds should do the trick. Smile today!

Hands up!

2005-06-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Here I am getting arrested in Wyoming. What a crazy experience that was. The police were nice (and very tall) and the only thing that scared me is that they kept saying that I had a pretty mouth! Ok...maybe that was just a bad reference to the movie Deliverance.

Anyway, the road trip was great. It was fast and many states were a blur but I got to see enough of America to realize that it is not so bad after all. There are some really nice folks out there and it was nice to meet them.

The highlight of the trip was seeing the memorial for the Oklahoma City bombing victims. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was struck dumb by what I saw. I mean...those evil bastards killed children. What a waste of life! Not many things really get me really, really angry anymore but this did.

So, I am back here in California where homes cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and people are often uncaring towards others. In Kansas I saw homes advertised for $19,000! Sure, they might just blow away but what an adventure that would be! I mean if your house blows away all you have to do is follow a yellow brick road and hook up with a wizard right? That is what I was told and I firmly believe that!

Speaking of wizards, Michael jackson, the wizard of entertainment, may go to jail today or soon. I am not sure if he did what he is on trial for but I find it sad that his childhood was taken away from him. Personally, I don't think he is a dangerous man. I see him as eccentric and lonely. What good is a billion dollars if you are so lost that you have no clue what to do with it? Well, he did buy some cool stuff...I would love a monkey!

I am rambling now so I will close this and go on with my day. Oh...one more thing! If you get a chance go see "Cinderella Man" starring Russell (I throw telephones at people) Crowe and Rene (I just married a hot cowboy) Zellwegger! This is an amazing film that will leave you on the edge of your seat. Don't even worry about buying popcorn for this one. It will just taste like crap soaked in tears. There are not many movies that make me cry but this one sure did. It is well worth the $9.00 in California or $5.00 in Kansas that it costs to see it.

Smile today and if you want to see more photos of my adventures click here. There are sure some great photo opportunities out there! Talk at ya soon!

168

2005-06-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Hello. I am writing from Kansas tonight as my buddy and I make our way back to California. The photo above is of the memorial that was built to honor the 168 people that were killed in Oklahoma City when the Murrah Federal Building was bombed. There are 168 empty chairs at the site now and it really makes a visual impact that will never leave my mind. I will post more photos of the memorial soon.

I have to get some rest tonight but I wanted to just check in and let you folks know that I am doing well and that I am happy. I also wanted to thank Jim from genuineblog.com for sending people my way. If you have never had the chance to read his words you should. He writes some very entertaining posts. I am working on making a new list of my very favorite blogs and Jim will certainly be on it.

I hope that eveyone out there is safe and at peace. I sure miss Megan and on nights like this when I cannot sleep I miss watching her sleep. Have you ever watched a baby sleep? She is so quiet and so peaceful and beautiful when she sleeps. Megan honey, if you are reading this, I miss you and love you. Please give Hector a kiss for me!

Check back soon for more pictures of the memorial and a few others that I have taken as we race home. We live in a beautiful country.

Smile today!
Ruben

Amazing Weekend

2005-05-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

I cannot remember having a more full or exciting weekend in my life! Meg and I headed out to San Francisco and stayed in a beautiful European style Bed and Breakfast in The Marina District. We explored a few things that we have never seen before and we walked for miles. For those of you that know San Francisco, we walked from The Marina District all the way to China Town to eat at our favorite Chinese Restaurant and then into Union Square to shop. It may not seem all that far but taking all the hills into consideration...it was quite a journey!

We got back Sunday evening and decided mutually that we would sit around in our Pajamas all day Monday. Monday morning we got out of bed and hopped in the car because you can't relax in Pajamas without a visit to your favorite Mexican bakery first! About two o'clock we had all but polished off the pastries and were half way into Hotel Rwanda (a beautiful film) when the phone rang.

On the phone was my best friend Matora that we have not seen in forever. He had just landed in Sacramento to visit for two weeks after fighting the war in Iraq. He has to go back to Iraq in two weeks but for now he is finally home where he belongs. It won't be long until he is in the states again forever.

So, Meg and I scrapped the pajamas, hopped in the shower and then headed to Sacramento for his welcome home party. The party was fun and even featured a girl named Jamie that we are sure could pass for Paris Hilton in a pinch. We also took Hector to the party and he had fun playing with the little kids there but seemed to more interested in Paris Hilton and her friends. Our little puppy is a babe magnet!

So that is a brief breakdown of our crazy weekend. To see more of our photos click here. If you have a few minutes click here for a slideshow with hundreds of our images. Our most recent images appear first. Take care this week and have some fun. Smile today! If you need me I will be relaxing and resting my feet!!!! :-)

Self Portrait

2005-05-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when Meg lets me play with her camera! Some of you may not realize it but I am a big dork! This is proof!

I hope that everyone out there has a happy and safe Memorial weekend! In regard to Memorial Day, I just found out that my favorite soldier, my best friend, Matora will be home for about 2 weeks soon! I cannot wait to see him!

Meg and I have no plans but I am hungry for an adventure! Any suggestions?

My ass is wet

2005-05-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here on my porch with this crazy looking rusted figurine looking out onto my lawn that is full of brown patches and my ass is all wet. You see, I have been trying to adjust my sprinklers again. This is a summer ritual for me that I dearly hate. If you read my post about doing yard work with my chihuahua you know by now that yard work is a source of entertainment for me in a way. Dealing with the sprinklers however is just plain frustrating.

The main problem is that according to comedians like George Lopez, I am supposed to have been born with the ability to do certain things simply because I am Mexican. Many of these things however I must lack due to the fact that my mother is quite white. For instance:

>I have no clue how to steal a car.
>I have no idea how to remove dents from a car.
>I would not function well as a Wal-mart or McDonald's employee.
>I am sure that I would get caught trying to get across the border.
>I can only do a few things with a tortilla.
>I cannot fashion any sort of usable device out of duct tape.
>I am virtually useless when it comes to yard work.
>I once tried to make a pinata but it became rock hard and had to be sawed open.

Now I do not mean to bash my Mexican counterparts out there but I am trying to make a point. There are just things that I cannot do and lanscaping is driving me crazy.

If someone out there can tell me how much yard fertilizer to use let me know. I need the right amount. Maybe I can figure out the amount based on the amount of fertilizer that people use to conceive children.

For instance, I don't want a jungle out there so I may not need as much as those crazy people in People Magazine that have six or seven babies at once. Maybe the amount used for twins would be alright. Can someone...anyone offer me a suggestion? My porn star neighbor has amazing grass and I want amazing grass too! Megan says that green spray paint simply won't do the trick. Any tips will be appreciated!

Smile today!

Lifesaving Spuds

2005-05-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

The above photo is of a squirt gun that I saw just laying in the park the other day. I know that I take some odd ball photos but some people really like them. If you want to see more of my strange pics click here to go to my Flickr page.

Read this to feel better about humans :-)

I realized last night that there are still some good people in the world. About the time I had given up on humanity I got a phone call last night from The Spud King at instantmash.net that really made me think. What you have to know is that I have never met The Spud King but that I read his blog often. He called me last night out of the blue just to tell me that he would actually give me a part of his liver if it would help me to survive. Thinking about this now over again almost brings me to tears. What an amazing and generous offer!

The problem is however that my liver is beyond the point in regard to damage where a partial donor transplant would help me. But if that option was available, this man, that I have never met offered to save my life. He offered to give me many more years with Megan. He offered to give me many more years to take pictures and laugh and walk on the beach.

Spud...from the bottom of my heart: Thank you! You are an amazing man.

With that I will close this post and go back to thinking about what to write next. How could I possibly follow this up? I will try soon. Thank you for reading. Smile today.

Blood gone bad

2005-05-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

If you have never read my blog before thank you for stopping by. Click here to read a little bit more about me. I write this blog because there are times in my life when I am so damn lost that it helps just to get my feelings out. I am writing this tonight because I am very scared.

Six vials of blood were taken from me today and by now 14 blood tests probably have been done on that blood. I have been bruising more than ever lately and the bruises are coming easier than ever. There is some concern that I may have a blood disorder. It gets to point anymore where Megan sees a bruise on me and asks where it came from but I have no idea. Also, the area of my abdomen under my right ribs has become sensitive to the touch and is starting to hurt almost constantly. I don't have a clue what is happening but I have been advised that a full battery of tests may have to be ran...again. My oncologist will be put into the mix this time along with my gastro doctor, primary doctor and a hematologist. I have never worked with a hematologist before. There is a first time for everything I suppose.

It is damn near midnight here and Meg is asleep next to me as I type this. I am listening to Ben Folds on my ipod shuffle and I feel like crying. I want to wake her and hold her and tell her that it really hurts now but she has had such a long week and she looks so pretty sleeping. I don't deserve her. I never have. I know this. Thank God for Megan. There is a reason he sent me my very own angel.

Anyway, I feel cleansed after posting here. I can let my thoughts run free and I can escape my liver disease for just a bit...just enough time to feel alive again. Just enough time to fill healthy and whole and not so broken.

I know that these words may be depressing but I appreciate your time and effort here very much. You have taken a few minutes from your life to help me with mine and for that I am truly grateful. If you like country music or just appreciate amazing lyrics click here. Listen closely to the words. They are very well written. It will help if you have a high-speed connection but patience works also.

If you have time leave a comment and your site address and email. I would love to read your words. Smile today. Hold someone close. Sing. Dance. Do something to feel alive and write me to tell me all about it. I'd really like to hear about it.

Come back when you can. If you want to read some less depressing words of mine, click here. This will direct you to a funny post about dog crap and my porn star neighbor. Really...it is worth a read. :-)

Another New Addiction For Me

2005-05-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

Hello blog readers. I hope this finds you all healthy and happy. I have been totally slacking on this whole blog project again but today I found something to write about.

About a week ago I read an article about using meta tags to help me organize my photos and today I plopped down 25 bucks to do just that. For all the non-computer nerds out there, meta tagging is essentially adding any number of descriptive phrases to a particular photo to make it easier to find. The same process can also be used for music or any other digital file.

For instance, I may have a million pics of Meg on my hard drive (I have at least that many) and if I did a search for "Meg" I would have to go through a million photos individually to see the one I want.

If I use meta tags, finding a picture of Meg making enchiladas in the kitchen while wearing a black and red string bikini would be quite simple. I would simply log onto Flickr and type in bikini, enchilada, fantasy, black, string, sexy, goddess, passion flower, angel faces, love of my life, hot babe, or whatever other word or phrase that I may have assigned to the photo. It all sounds tedious but it is really quite easy.

The other groovy thing about Flickr is that I get a little program right here on my blog (over there on the right) that shows you all my photos. Click on a photo and it will shoot you on over to Flickr so you can see more of my wild and crazy imagery and even leave comments. The only bummer is the intial chore of taging all my photos. But being creative is actually fun.

For those of you with high-speed access that got all the way to the bottom of this post without falling asleep, click here for an amazing song by singer/sonwriter, Steve Earle. Listen to the words...words are beautiful little things.

Have a great evening and a happy week. If you need me, I will be begging Meg to hit the kitchen to make some enchiladas! Smile today!

One more thing...the photo above is of a plant that I just bought a pot for on my front porch. I found this fantastic place called Lopez Imports that sells all sorts of Mexican-style pots and things for a bargain. I sure love plants...almost as much as words but nowhere near as much as Meg!

Dog Crap, Leaves and The Porn Star (Not for Kiddos)

2005-05-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hello again. I am sorry about the title of this post but I needed something catchy and controversial to grab attention. The old blog here is going through some sort of funk lately.

Anyway, yesterday Hector (my faithful pooch) and I headed out to the back yard to be real men. Well, I was the man and Hector was the well...the little hairy sidekick. This is the story of our battle with crap, weeds and the other strange things that exist in our yard.

First of all, Hector's reaction to the whole project was the most hilarious part of all. He looked at me and said (if Taco Bell can have a talking Chihuahua so can I!) "Hey Papi (he calls me that because he is Mexican) how would you like it if I pushed machines through your toilet?" The pooch actually had a rather valid point. Maybe he is a genius like his Papi!

As I pushed the mower (now lovingly referred to as The Shit Detector 2000) Hector grew more and more concerned and agitated. He ran around in circles nervously biting his ass with a really stupid look on his little face. I think he was really angry with me!

As the project progressed I was forced to break out the leaf blower (I believe this thing is the same model employed by NASA to make wind tunnels and Hollywood to make tornadoes in movies like Twister) and tackle some leaves. Leaves are a major issue for me because Meg and I don't have a single tree that drops leaves. But, our porn star neighbor who has a shower built into a tree in his yard and hosts really loud swinger parties does.

When we first moved in we assumed that he was a mass murderer based on all the screaming coming from his place but we did some research and have come to the conclusion that murder victims never scream the words, "Do it again big Daddy!" So essentially, I am picking up leaves that are not mine at all. His saggy old porn star butt should be over here raking! I say raking because I would never let him get near my leaf blower!

Back to the story at hand...by now I am covered in grass and dirt and Hector is now begging, "Papi, get me out of here man! I am so nervous I am about to chew off a limb!" Chihuahuas do really strange things when they are nervous and the machines were driving him nuts. He got really agitated when I strapped him to The Shit Detector 2000 with duct tape and took him for a ride. Hey, I am only kidding! I bet at least one of you is an animal rights activist.

At the end of the whole fiasco, my body, which hates me, tried to totally shut down on me. I got all light headed and shaky (much like Hector but I cannot chew on my own ass) and I almost passed out. You see, I try to over do things when I am supposed to take breaks and rest and I end up regretting it.

So, I call Meg (my savior in times of mass funkiness) and she explains to me that I should rest and eat something. The thing is, I already know this myself but I seem to get all retarded when things go awry and only her advice makes any sense at all to me. It is almost like my ability to have common sense just shuts down.

Seriously, if I was to lets say...set myself on fire (a real possibility with my BBQ skills) I would end up on the phone listening to her say something like, "Put down the phone stupid! Stop, drop and roll!"

By the Grace of God (and Meg) I am still alive today to tell my tale of lawn care fun and excitement. The yard actually looks pretty good and you will all be glad to know that Hector is still on all fours. Come over for a BBQ anytime. The gate is always open. Just be sure to get the right house. You would hate to accidentally walk on to the set of, "Old Dude Gets Buck Wild!" That film will be in production next door for the remainder of the summer!

Smile today and make it count! If you have a mother (and you certainly should) wish her a happy day.

Talking Pretty

2005-05-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

Meg and I were lucky to have had the opportunity to see David Sedaris read this past Thursday and I am still thinking about it. I mean, I love Sedaris' work because it is passionate, hilarious and emotional when it needs to be but at the same time, the man himself was a bit odd.

Meg spoiled me and bought me two of his books for me to have signed and I was pretty excited about meeting Sedaris but now that I have met him I have mixed feelings about him. I mean, I still very much respect him as a writer but he said a couple of things to me that struck me as strange.

First, he asked me who else that I was reading and I mentioned Augusten Burroughs. If you ever meet Sedaris, DO NOT mention Augusten Burroughs! Sedaris seems to have some sort of built up hostility in regard to Burroughs. I thought the funny little writer was going to explode. He looked at me and said dead seriously, "I am better than Burroughs." Sure he was calm about it but at the same time he was dead serious.

The second thing that Sedaris did that was strange was the way that he signed a book for Meg and I. He asked us the status of our relationship and when we told him that we were engaged he wrote in the book, "Best wishes on your first marriage." I still don't understand why he just assumed that this was going to be our first marriage. Maybe I am looking for some meaning in his words that wasn't there. Maybe I am just too analytical. Who knows.

Either way, listening to Sedaris make a sold-out crowd roar with laughter was really a great experience. We learned all about the sex life of a NYC taxi driver and that even the most well dressed people can be complete idiots in social situations. We also learned that baboons have a rightful place in a beauty shop and that Hometown Buffet is really a very scary place.

I would see Sedaris live again in a heartbeat. I will just be a little more open minded if I have the chance to talk with him again. I guess I should not have put him on such a high pedestal in my mind. He is after all just a regular guy that just happens to be a great artist.

So if you get the chance read something by Sedaris if you never have before. The photo above is of the cover of his book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day." This will probably always be my favorite book. I had the chance to look at my favorite author and tell him thank you for making all the bad things that I deal with a little easier to handle. That is one moment that I will never forget. Seeing Sedaris live on April, 28 2005 with Meg was the best way that I could think of to make that day count. It was a great learning experience.

Catching up

2005-04-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

Wow...It has been a while since I posted and all sorts of things have been happening. I have been listening to a ton of new music lately and I wanted to share what is new.

Devils and Dust - Bruce Springsteen
This is some of the best writing that I have ever had the pleasure to listen to. The songs are dark in a way but very thought provoking. I have been buying a lot of music on iTunes lately but this one is worth buying in the store. It is a two sided CD/DVD with a beautiful series of acoustic performances that are beautiful to watch. I think as I get older I appreciate writing so much more.

Songs for Silverman - Ben Folds
Most famous for "Brick" as a member of Ben Folds Five, Folds solo album is really well done. In particular, the song, "Gracie" struck me like a truck. I really miss her. Those of you that know me know what I am talking about.

La Tortura - Shakira
The first single from her upcoming double CD set is amazing. Sure she is gorgeous but that is not what makes her so great. She sings like she is always out of breath and just trying to get out the next note with all of her power. It is great to hear from here again. Right now I am listening to her song from a few years back, "Underneath Your Clothes." There are not many love songs this well this well done.

American Baby - Dave Mathews Band
If their upcoming album is as good as this first single they will surely have another massive hit album. This is one band that I really want to see live.

Help Somebody - Van Zant
This song by two of southern rock's biggest stars, Johnny and Donnie Van Zant (Lynyrd Skynrd and .38 Special) really has the power to make you think. Country music has really changed and rebels are finally taking over again. There is one line in this song that really sticks out to me. It says simply, "If you want to hear god laugh tell him your plans." We all may think we are on the right path but are we? That is a good question!

If you have read this far...thanks! I know I really go off writing about music and I know that my tastes are a little eclectic. I firmly believe that music makes life a little more bearable. I would love to hear suggestions about anything that any of you love to listen to. Have a great weekend. Thank you for the time and as always...smile today!

Sunday Clouds

2005-04-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

I hope that this post finds you all doing great out there. I am doing well here I suppose. It is a gloomy day outside and the clouds have snuck into the house making everyone tired. Meg is resting in the bedroom, I am typing away slowy and Hector is alseep on the sofa.

I am about to get into my car and go somewhere...anywhere where I can be surrounded by the buzz of life. Maybe I will go the mall but it is more likely that I will end up at a coffee house with an ipod reading and relaxing. I just need to get some energy going before I fall asleep!

I will sign off now and leave you with a link to some photos that I took while I was in San Francisco a while back. I really should live there. I love the water and the people and the views are amazing. I bet Union Square and the wharf are bustling right now! One day I will live a stones throw from an ocean. That is a promise that I have decided to make to myself.

Click here for the photos. Smile today.

Sand Heart

2005-04-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

It is Sunday at 4:30 and I just took a handful of pills. Don't call an ambulance...it's ok. I mean, I did not consume Valium with Jack Daniels (never really liked the stuff) or anything like that. I just took the pills that I forgot to take this morning that are supposed to help all my guts function in the correct way. I take about 20 pills a day for this purpose but I often wonder if they really help. I bet they do somehow, but how?

Anyway, the picture above is interesting to me. When I was little I probably made a heart in the sand at some point...we all probably do this at some point. But as children everything is literal. As children a heart in the sand is well...a heart in the sand.

But as adults we look deeper. For instance when I see the heart in the sand now I wish that I could see it again as a little boy. Instead I see a symbol of love that can be wiped away, washed over with tide-like emotions and easily soiled. Maybe I am too dark and negative anymore. Maybe I am too jaded.

But onto happier things now...I just bought a shiny new book because I promised Dyllan that I would keep up with my reading and the sun is shining on a beautiful day. If I listen closely I may even hear a bird or two singing but I never listen that closely so I probably won't. Maybe I should listen closely. I will see what I can do.

Also...in the spirit of The Spud King, a blogger tried and true,click here for an amazing song that will really make you think about hearts and bushes and love and stuff like that. Smile today. It can only get better from here.

many stamps

2005-04-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

I was "tagged" by The Spud King a few days back and asked what song on my computer best describes me. It took me a while because I have about 3,000 songs on this crazy thing but I think I finally figured it out! The song is more about what I want to do more than anything but it works. Click here to hear the tune.

Also...I have sent this question to three of my favorite fellow bloggers. If you have some time, check out Megan's blog, Dylann's blog and Melody Ann's blog. They are all great!

One more thing...the photo above is of a mailbox in Mexico. I hope that I can fit in the slot!

I am furious!

2005-04-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever post twice in one night but this is crucial so bear with me.

This may very well be the worst photo that I have taken but I took it to prove a point! The sign says "special offers exclusively for you" so naturally being the bargain hound that I am I went quickly to the restroom to check out the deal. I found no special deals there!

I did however find the following not so special things:

A homeless man washing his ass in the sink.
An old man with his pink boxers at his ankles showing the world his "parts" in front of a urinal.
The not so glorious scent of festering crap.
A ton of grafitti (I guess if I go back tonight I might get lucky!)
A turd stained wall.
A man talking to a mirror.

American advertising is going to hell rapidly. I should have complained to a manager! I want my special offer!

Smile today! :-)

The Golden Gate

2005-04-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

I believe that The Golden Gate Bridge in san Francisco, CA is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen. There is something special about its grace. It just sort of hovers on top of the waves like a giant sailboat.

I took this photo right about sunset last night from quite a distance and I think that it turned out well. I am staying at a hostel here because room rates are amazing and there are many people from all different parts of the world. I came to San Francisco to meet a couple people about possibly doing some public speaking in regard to my life and health but I am not sure what to do. I will figure it out soon though. The peace and quiet here really allows me to think and that is nice.

I wish I could travel and stay in strange places constantly but Meg hates when I am gone. I understand her position however. I would feel the same way if she was gone. I also miss her very, very much and that makes the distance that much harder to endure.

Well, I think I will sign off now. This has not been the most exciting post. I need to come up with new ideas and more fun things to do with this blog. I want to figure out a way to share music better and maybe I will also post some stories, poetry or more photo albums.

Does anyone have any requests or ideas? If so, email me at: ruben.porras@gmail.com or leave me a voice message at: (206) 338-live. If you don't want to leave a voice message...call me on my cell phone at (209) 204-1411. I would love to hear from some people that have been reading this thing for a while. I will try anything! I want to keep this thing fun to read! Hey...did I just post my cell # on my blog? I have lost my damn mind! Oh...why not? We only live once right? :-)

Have a good day and smile!
Ruben

I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE TODAY!

2005-04-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

Today is a very, very special day for me. This is the second anniversary of the day that Megan woke up with me when we found out that I was terminally ill. Today I woke up next to her again and I plan to everyday for the rest of my life.

Thank you Megan for loving me on the hardest days of your life! Thank you Megan for loving me for my heart and mind and for not being scared away by my illness. I am alive today because of you and I will always love you for saving my life, teaching me how to love and showing me that I really do have a soul inside my hard shell.

The photo above is of Tony Brusca, the lead singer of my favorite band, The Brody's. I met Tony and the band about five years ago in Chico, CA and their music has gotten me through all sorts of craziness. It was by my side through my divorce and most of all it has been with me via ipod when I have gotten really sick.

Read the lyrics to their song, "Next Life" and you will understand why it means so much to me:

Next Life

(brusca)

When I was 13
I snuck into the movies
I saw animal house
With dominic and rudy
Sometimes I feel like
My life comes to a standstill
Like walking in the deep snow
Up a very steep hill
I was standing in the river
Singing a new wave song
I pass around the polaroids
But I can't remember anyone
Open up the bottle
Pass the rush around the table
The morning crew is just arriving
On the 6 o'clock horizon
Told me once told me twice
Walking home alone broke
Joker's wild in the next life
I got lucky in the next life
I got the money in the next life
I got the girl in the next life
Don't think twice
Joker's wild in the next life
I listened to what the coach said
Fourth place is up ahead
Eighth grade track star
Gotta wonder where you are
Johnny got a lollipop
He took it to the bus stop
The catholic school girls
Never worried about their cruelty

A message to Tony and the band:
The next life is going alright for me guys. I got the girl. Money is alright and I am lucky to be around to enjoy it. The joker is definitely wild this time around! I believe that is what makes the whole damn ride so much fun! Thanks for taking me back in time every single time that I listen to your songs. Thank you for allowing me to feel young. I will see you all very soon. Megan and I would be honored if you were guests at our wedding.

I hope that everyone out there has a beautiful day. Smile and have some fun. Today is the first day of my new year and I am excited about that. Live like Each Day Counts.

Thank you so much for reading my words.
-Ruben

One more thing...Get information on The Brody's at www.brodys.com where you can find music downloads and videos. Also, you can buy their music via amazon .com and itunes. The album, Unexamined Life is an honest to goodness kick ass rock record that will make you feel young again if you have the urge to do so. Relive your youth or experience it for the first time with The Brodys! No matter your age or musical preference these guys will have something that will make you feel great!

The Conference

2005-04-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Hello out there! I am writing from a Journalism conference in Sacramento, CA today. I am here to study writing and to further contemplate my crazy life. I am feeling that Journalism is where I want to go with my career. I just need to decide a field to really focus on. This is all like life 2.0 for me. I really can't screw this version up!

The photo above is of me with Darla Givens. She is a meteorologist here and we watched her as part of a live newscast today. The energy of a live newscast is amazing and I could do that daily. It looks like a jumbled up mess but it all comes together in the end. Just like my life I suppose!

Anyway, many of you look here to read about crazy stuff and interesting stuff so here you go...About 11:00 last night a group of us headed out for a walk and we were actually attacked by a group of guys shooting at us with a paintball gun. The police helped us out and even had helicopters looking for the evil doers!

Two of us were hit but those that were are still alive to tell about it today. Well, they are alive but...a little green!

Take care today and keep checking in when you can. I will have some more juicy, thought provoking and inspiring stories soon. Maybe....

Smile today!

The 20 Things...

2005-04-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

I was surfing through blogs this morning and I came across a great blog that had a very interesting post. In the enrty the author wrote a list of 20 things that she often wondered about. It got me thinking...I wonder about a great many things...but what are the 20 main things that I wonder about? Let me give this a try...

Will I see Willie Nelson perform before one of us passes? He has always been one of my favorite songwriters.
Will I ever have a son? I share the name Ruben and with my father and I would love to carry that tradition on.
What would it be like to live on a beach?
Could I ever leave The United States behind forever?
Would I be happier if I left California behind forever?
Why is Wisconsin so famous for its cheese when cheese from Oregon is so much tastier?
Is there life after death?
How does Ivory soap float?
Will Joe Pesci ever play another mafia character? He was amazing in The Goodfellas and Casino.
Will I ever own a home?
Why do I crave carnitas tacos almost daily when pork is so bad for me?
Will I ever live in San Francisco?
Will someone ever pay me for my words?
What would it be like to be a photo journalist?
Why do poor people in Mexico seem more content than the poor here?
What would it be like to be a private investigator?
Will people really miss me when I'm gone?
What will my children look like when they are my age?
Will there ever be a cure for my illness? I don't expect a cure to be discovered in my time but I hope doctors and scientists never stop looking.
What would it be like to run with the bulls in Barcelona?

Thank you ARTCHIK 23 for making me think today :-)

The Secret Site

2005-04-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

This is something that really hit me like a truck when I read it. It is in small print but the photo will get bigger if you click it. It says, "I still haven't told my father that I have the disease that killed my mother." Imagine holding that secret inside of you. It would just kill me.

I found it on a site called Post Secret. Random people send postcards with their deepest, darkest secrets and they are scanned and posted on this site. This is something that you have to see. It is really amazing the secrets that some people keep. Maybe I will send something there soon. Have a great night!

The 'Hood Photos

2005-03-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

I was inspired by a blog that I read yesterday (for the life of me I can't recall the address) so I headed out today to "shoot up" my neighborhood.

In the blog that I read the photographer shoots only images within a 2 mile radius of his home. I didn't quite feel as ambitious as that guy but I went ahead with the idea anyway. I restricted my lazy ass to within 2 blocks of my house. Maybe one day soon I will venture farther.

I grabbed the ever-faithful ipod, my digital camera and my sense of adventure and headed out the door. Shooting the photos was fun but the best part of the adventure was seeing the crazy crap that really happens around here!

Here are the top 5 strange things about my 'hood that I learned. They were all equally insane so there is no order to the list.

1.) There is a real honest to goodness one armed, eye patch wearing, wine out of the bottle drinking, bearded pirate just two houses down. I think he was just visiting because I have never seen him before. I gave up trying to take a picture of him when he growled, "You better watch what you're shootin' there boy!" Needless to say, I crossed the street and moved on like a bat out of hell.

2.) Someone finally took the old washer and dryer I put in the alley a couple months back. I hope the police don't read this. I am sure that I committed some sort of felony by leaving them there.

3.) I think that a cowboy or construction worker actually exploded behind my house. You will have to view all the pictures to understand what the heck I am talking about.

4.) That nice old lady at the end of the street really isn't a nice old lady at all. I was taking a photo of a sign on the street in front of her house and she said to me, "I'm fixin' to call the po-lice (that is how she said the word, police) if you aint be movin' along soon." Not only is she mean as hell, but I think that she may have missed at least one grammar class at some point in her life.

5.) There are at least 6 places that I noticed in the neighborhood where I could hide bodies. Not that I have any bodies to hide or anything...ok maybe I should change the subject now.

So now that I have got your attention...
Click here for 24 super thrilling photos of my 'hood. Also...Beware of pirates and run like hell if any senior citizens in your 'hood try to talk like John Wayne! Smile today!

The New Look

2005-03-29T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well...I got a little bored of all the black and I switched everything around. I'm still pretty much a rookie when it comes to design but I am trying. I would appreciate any comments that you may have. This design gives me more freedom to provide links to other sites so let me know if you would like me to link to your blog or other place on the web. Thank you again for reading. I hope that everyone out there is doing well.

The Dog Juice

2005-03-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

What a weekend! We covered almost 700 miles in our funny little Toyota Matrix, went to 2 Easter parties and got stuck in a massive traffic jam. The funny thing is that through good and bad we made some amazing memories.

Things I said to Meg that she never thought I would say:
"Megan, I think your dog sprung a leak!"
---I said this after Hector lost control of his bladder all over my shirt and pants. We felt so sorry for him because he was crying because he had to pee but we were stuck in traffic. When he finally got relief I think he broke some sort of Chihuahua peeing record!

"Damn babe! I look like I pissed myself!"
---I said that after I walked out of the bathroom of a crappy gas station. I was attacked by an evil soap dispenser that sprayed all over my leg! What a freakin' mess!

Phrase that will catch on and be huge and super popular:
Chihuahua Juice
---Mega-star Nelly rapper coined the term pimp juice (whatever the hell that is) so my phrase might be the new craze! I can hear it now...every time a kid gets a stain on his clothes his friends will say..."Dude! What's that crap on your clothes? It looks like Chihuahua Juice!"
---Maybe it will even be the next big drink craze! Snoop Dogg will release a new version of his hit song called "Gin and Chihuahua Juice!"
-Okay...so it may not be big for a while but it will be big...major...huge! :-)

Anyway, the weekend was great! My Grandma was in great shape, all billion of our relatives were excited about our marriage and my health was perfect. I love when life is good. I hope all is well with everyone out there. Smile today!

The Rest Stop

2005-03-25T18:29:00.000-08:00

The Life I am Living Today

2005-03-24T16:11:00.000-08:00

What a strange day. I am sitting here at almost 4:00 and I am sucking down another iced coffee from the crack house. I had a terrible bout of pain last night and was up until the wee hours again and today I woke up 11:00. I feel all hazy and a little light headed and achy but i will survive.

Anyway, I feel obligated in a way to put my two cents in here about Terry Schiavo. She seems to be the hot topic lately in the blog world. All I can say is this...I am not a healthy person. But, I feel confident in my heart and my mind that Megan and my family would not keep me alive on machines. My mother would have the hardest time letting go and I understand that but I think that she would rather see me able to function. I believe that she would understand that I do not want to live for a long while in a hospital room. I want my family to be able to move on and blossom in my abscence. I don't wish for them to spend their lives tending to me. It is time to let Terry go home now. It is time to let her rest in peace. That is all I will say about this issue.

In other news about my life...I finished "Tuesdays with Morrie" last night and as Megan slept next to me I quietly sobbed. What a beautiful book! Morrie left the world with his family at his side and a peaceful song is his heart. That is the way to move on. The photo above shows Morrie towards the end of his life. I love this photo because he does not look a man that is dying. He looks likes a happy and wise old man that is living. What a brave man he was!

Have a great day today and a nice weekend. Meg and I may hit the road to visit my family in Northern california and that would be nice. It all depends though on how I feel tonight. The nights are the hardest for me anymore. Smile today and have fun. Also...try to stay away from Starbucks! They are turning us all into addicts! Their people should not be called "baristas" they should be called enablers or dealers! :-)

The Book of Life

2005-03-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here alone today reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" at the suggestion of Dylann, another blogger. If you have never read this book I would recommend that you do. Over the course of the last few nights I have been reading this book in bed when I cannot sleep and more than once it has evoked tears and laughter. If Megan ever woke up and looked over she would either think I have lost my mind (laughter) or that I am in pain again (tears).

Today I read a passage in this book that really made me think about my life and what will happen to me after I am gone. I often wonder if people will remember me. I think that is why I write so much. I want people to be able to have something tangible to hold when I am gone. I want people to be able to look back at different points in my life and think about me. Good or bad...I just want people to have memories of me and memories of my life.

In the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie," the author, Mitch Albom asks Morrie if he worries about being forgotten when he dies. Morrie replies by saying, " I don't think I will be. I've got so many people who have been involved with me in close, intimate ways. And love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."

Just typing that passage gave me chills. I have told Megan a million times that if I die from this battle that I will be looking out for her from wherever I am. She has promised me that she won't stop living like she does now and she has promised me that she will never stop teaching.

But the greatest promise that Megan has made to me is that she won't stop loving. She has so much love to give and I hope to God that she stays open enough to fall in love again. I want to be able to watch her laugh and smile and play because those are the things that she does with me that make her happy. I want her to always be happy.

I don't ever want to leave her alone in a physical sense but it will be easier for me to go if I am confident that she will let me live on in her heart and mind. If I get to the end of this fight for my life and I lose I want her face to be the last thing that I ever touch. I want to go away knowing that I don't have to be scared because she is always right with me...Just a touch away.

The Drinking Problem

2005-03-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

Well it has finally happened to me! The one thing that my mother told me could happen to me that I never really thought could happen is now upon me like flies on... well, you know.

Anyway, I have developed a drinking problem and I think it is pretty serious. I woke up this morning craving a drink and I am about to head out of the house and get my fix. I can taste it now and I want it so bad! I need therapy! Maybe there is a good 12 twelve step program that I can look into. What will I do? How will I explain this to my fiance? Will she leave me? Will she realize that there are other men out there that can fight their urges better than me?

I can see myself now sleeping in dark alleys and collecting change. All I need is $2.10. How long could it take for nickels and dimes to add up to that? People will take pity on me right? I will need a marker and some cardboard. I will need an empty cup to keep my money in.

All I can say is....DAMN YOU STARBUCKS! DAMN YOUR DELICIOUS ICED COFFEE! I'm going to end up behind my local store begging the baristas for just one sip! I am doomed! What will I do now?

The Cancer - HEALTH UPDATE

2005-03-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

This is a photo of me undergoing radiation therapy for Cancer in 2003. It may seem crazy that I had Megan take this photo or even crazier that I have posted it here for the world to see but I am very proud of it. I promised to let readers of this blog see my whole life...here it is.

Megan and I attended my six-month Cancer follow-up yesterday and everything went well. I am still Cancer free and very happy about that. I am still fighting the liver disease but I can do this! I'm not going to die of this! I still have way too much to do in my life. I need quite a few years to make all my dreams come true.

In regard to my dreams...Meg and I looked at a place last night in a little town called Ione and it looks like the perfect place to have our wedding. There is even a staircase that she can walk down with her father that walks into a gorgeous courtyard with a pond and other beautiful features. I cannot wait to call her my wife. Our life together is my dream. I won't let my liver or Cancer take that dream away. I deserve to be happy and I will fight to be happy.

Anyway, the news is good here. Life is good here. I hope that everyone out there is happy. Smile today.

The Cowboy

2005-03-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite singers, Chris Ledoux died last week. Complications of liver cancer took one of the most honest, passionate and talented artists that I have ever had the pleasure to listen to. In 2000 I took my Grandmother to see Toby Kieth and Ledoux in concert in Red Bluff, CA but Chris did not appear because he was having a liver transplant. I remember that I felt dissapointed that he was not there because I loved his music very much. I was hopeful for him and I was happy to hear later that his recovery was going well. I would have loved to see him in concert and regret deeply that I never did before he passed.

The Flu Beast

2005-03-10T12:21:00.000-08:00

I am off to the doctor again today. This time I am fighting some sort of evil cold/flu beast that seems to think that my body is a rather comfortable place to live. My head is pounding, my sinuses are all stuffed up and I get very dizzy whenever I stand up. I have to be very careful when I have issues like this. A cold or flu used to just go away over time but anymore it takes a super-strong antibiotic to make the symptoms go away. I have to be careful with my immune system. It is so weak now that a cold or flu that is bad enough could actually really hurt me.

I was talking to my friend Jim last night and he seemed surprised in a way about how easy it is for me to joke about all my illnesses. I think that if I took it all too seriously it would drive me mad. When I was first diagnosed I was very depressed. I have no desire to be that way again. I told him that I could not imagine dying from an unattended cold or flu. I explained to him that I would rather die trying to jump the Grand Canyon on my mountain bike or breaking up a gang fight. It would be a bummer for my gravestone to read, "Here lies Ruben Porras...victim of the common cold."

I want to die with honor like a samurai soldier. I would like to go out in a blaze of glory. Maybe I should be more considerate of Jim's feelings though. He has become one of the best friends that I have ever had and if he was told that he had a terminal disease it would totally crush me. Jim comes around more than ever before and that is very special to me. He has a gorgeous wife and the prettiest baby in the world and I hope that he knows how much it means to me that he shares a part of himself with me.

I will post what happens at the doctor today. I am sure that I will be fine but I still worry. It is beautiful here today and I hope that it is nice wherever you happen to be reading this. Take care today and have fun doing whatever you are planning to do. Remember...no matter how stressful life gets that there is someone that loves you somewhere and that is what matters.

The Quiet

2005-03-08T04:38:00.000-08:00

The little clock at the bottom of my laptop screen reads 4:38 a.m. right now and I have been watching its minutes tick by since 3:57. I thought that my sleepless nights were over for a while after I slept so well last night but I was wrong...again. There is nothing more lonely than the sound of an empty house. I can hear the breathing sound of our gas heater, an occassional car in the distance and the wind rustling the trees outside but otherwise it is quiet here.

It is times like this when I think about my life the most. If I lose the battle with my illness how many of these sleepless nights will Megan have? Will she be ok? I don't want her to have have to sit and contemplate life like I do so often. I just want her to live and be free. I want her to feel alive.

Tomorrow I will be half awake all day and lost deep inside another dark haze. I enjoy walking and driving through the misty fog of winter nights but seeing fog through my own eyes when nobody else sees it is painful for me. My body and my mind seem to waging a war against one another and there is no clear leader to speak of. Together they are driving me slowly insane.

The clock reads 4:49 now and I should sign off. I have a great deal of useless information gathering to do on this laptop and I am sure that there is an infomercial on that I have not seen on television.

Maybe on the channel after the newest ab machine or container organizer there will be a commercial that can be of some use to me. Can I buy sleep or a new liver for low easy monthly installments? Can I buy a better outlook for $19.95? Can I buy a machine that can beam Meg and I off to a new place where there are only beaches, great movies and down comforters? I don't want buns of steel. I don't need a tool that can fix my car and mow my lawn.

It is 5:03 now and I am saying goodbye. Smile today.

The Life Ahead

2005-03-04T23:13:00.000-08:00

Well, tomorrow morning I will wake up a whole year older! I will make this post simple and quick and just leave you with a quote from my column that will be published next week. Have a great weekend!

---"If I could say a toast for myself on my birthday it would go something like this, "Here's to a slightly insane but utterly amazing grandmother, a young woman that is as stubborn as an ox, all the people that have watched me fall and all the people that have picked me back up again. Here's to my best friend in Iraq, my pretty little girls and my doctors. But mostly, here's to the chance at having another 30 years to do it all over again!"

To read the rest of this column click here.

The Haze

2005-03-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

It has been forever since I last posted and a lot has been happening around here. The main issue around here lately is the usual health stuff. Ever since we got back from San Francisco I have been in a strange haze. I can't seem to catch up on my sleep and I feel totally out of focus for some reason. Even the Benadryl is not working to put me to sleep. I took 2 Benadryl pills at about 10:00 last night and I still stayed up until after 4:00 am.

My blood tests turned out to be stable (still bad but not a whole lot worse) so Dr. Cheng does not feel the need for me to have another procedure done to clear my bile ducts at this time. That was very welcome news. I am really wanting to be healthy this year. I will have my blood checked on a regular basis and keep posting updates here.

In other news...I turn 30 in two days! I don't know how to feel about that. Part of me is sad because I have not achieved all of the things that I wanted to at this point in my life but part of me is happy because I am alive and I am enjoying the slow pace of my life. I will spend my birthday at the wedding of an old friend that I have not seen in many years and that will be nice.

About our wedding...Meg is feverishly ordering invitation samples and scouring the web for ideas. It is beautiful to watch her plan our day. I am so happy that she is looking forward to the day that she becomes my wife. I am certainly ready to share that day with her.

I hope that this post finds everyone happy and healthy. My Grandma Rose is getting over a terrible infection and has not been feeling very well lately. It scares me whenever she gets sick for any reason. The thought crossed my mind when I first was diagnosed with my illness that maybe I was meant to die before her so I would not have to see her go. She has been a big part of my life since I was a baby when we would have Jello fights while she was caring for me when my parents were at work.

Take care of one another and smile today. Check back soon for updates. I am trying to teach myself more about creating an internet radio show from home, posting music on the web and working with image galleries. Thanks for letting me test all my crazy ideas on all of you!

The Itching

2005-02-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

It is past 10:00 here tonight and I am exhausted but I cannot sleep. Megan and I had an amazing time in San Francisco over the weekend and it felt great to be able to celebrate our engagement. We did a great deal of walking in SF and I think that is what is taking a toll on me now. I have been tired all day today but unable to rest.

In addition to my sleepless state I am itching like crazy as a result of my liver disease and Megan is noticing bruises all over me again. One bruise on my arm is really bad and awful to look at but I have no clue how it got there. Right before I was diagnosed with the liver disease I slipped moving a washing machine and slammed my hand into it. My entire hand turned eggplant purple. It was nasty to look at but I was told that easy bruising is another side affect of my illness.

Needless to say, I am getting very scared. I had blood tests taken last week and Dr. Cheng will get back to me soon on those and I will most likely have to have another procedure done to clear my bile ducts. I am trying to stay upbeat and positive but I have spent an awful lot of time fighting back tears. I know that Megan is committed to me and that she will stand by me no matter the circumstance but for the life of me I don't know how she does it. I don't want her to see me in another recovery room wearing a gown and hooked up to machines. I don't want her to have to think about me losing this battle.

I had to put these feelings out here and just let them go. My heart is aching, my mind is racing and I know that I need to just take a deep breath and slow down but that is the hard part for me. That has always been the problem for me. Maybe I need to consider asking for a medicine to control anxiety. I am really at a turning point in my life right now and I want to move forward like a steam engine. I don't want to come to a skidding halt.

I hope all of you are well. Smile today!

The Audio Post

2005-02-18T10:38:00.000-08:00

Click the little orange arrow above to hear my post. I will be using this cool service whenever I go somewhere and Megan won't let me take my laptop :-) Take care and smile!
Ruben

The Bumpy Road

2005-02-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

I feel so lost tonight...again. It just seems like I am a walking disaster sometimes. I just spoke to Dr. Cheng, my primary liver doctor and he expressed concern in regard to some symptoms that I have been having. I have to go in tomorrow for some more blood work and then he wants me to schedule an ERCP to dialate my bile ducts again. This is all pretty standard for someone with the disease that I have but I still have fear.

This just comes at a time when I just want to live for a while. I just got engaged, school is going great this semester, I am writing and I am about to take off for a few days with Meg to celebrate our engagement. Meg is being understanding and supportive but I know that she is scared also. It feels like whoever paved the roads in my life had really poor equipment that left potholes all over the place!

I feel good getting this out of my system here and I know that I have quite a few people in my corner and that sure makes the fight easier. I'll let you all know what happens. Meanwhile I will do what I can to remain positive.

Smile today!

Also...I'm sure that you noticed that I added a homepage to my site. I plan on posting more photos soon and I thought that this would allow easier access to them. If you have trouble with this or you simply think it looks absolutely terrible please email me at ruben.porras@gmail.com or leave a comment here.

The Stage Lights

2005-02-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

***Quick technical note: Clicking on any photo will make it larger.***
Megan woke up this morning with a beautiful new diamond engagement ring on and I woke up with a renewed sense of dedication and faith in our love. It feels like we are new in love again; almost like we are falling in love all over again. I have this craving for ice cream shops, picnics, movies and long walks through downtown at night. I have the desire to do everything we did at the beginning of our relationship all over again. But we will do those things knowing that we will be married soon. We have sealed our commitment. We have decided to take a chance and fight the odds and put everything second to the most beautiful love that either one of us has ever known.

As I looked at her from the stage of the poetry event that I proposed at, her pretty face was filtered through the misty glow of stage lights. She was really enjoying my words and I could see that in her face. She has always enjoyed my words and I love her for that. We were surrounded by family and friends and probably at least 80 strangers and even though the house was packed I felt like we were the only people in the world. It is hard to explain how I feel today. I am happy and I feel passionate about everything.

I want pancakes. But I don’t want regular pancakes. I want gigantic fluffy buttermilk pancakes covered in thick syrup. That is how I feel about love I suppose. I don’t want simple love and easy love. I want love that I can consume and love that is heavy and hard to get through because I know that the harder that I work for this love the sweeter it will be. That may be an odd way to explain these feelings that are rushing through me but it is not easy to find the words. She is so pretty and so at peace with us. I am so lucky to be here and know that she has agreed to love me forever and ever.

Have a great today. Try to do what you can to experience love but remember that true love comes in all different shapes and sizes. My Grandfather loved his gardens. Our puppy loves his little green squeaky frog. I once knew a man that loved to sing in the park. Smile today. Smile everyday.

One more thing...Megan and I would like to thank Sam Pierstorff and Greg Edwards for making our engagement incredibly special. Sam and Greg share the mic as the hosts of Slam on Rye, a monthly poetry competition here in Modesto, CA. For more information on slam poetry click here.

The Morning Glow

2005-02-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

The three of us (Meg, Hector and I) are relaxing on the porch right now. Meg has just brought me a huge plate of fresh fruit for breakfast and she is now lost in a book, Hector is practicing the fine art of shoelace digestion and I am here with you typing along. In the background John Mayer covers a classic by The Police and the morning sun wraps us all in its gentle arms. This is the life.

I walked to The Queen Bean this morning and as I walked through the park near our house I watched as homeless men woke and stretched and basked in the rays. They must have a rough life but I often wonder if some of them enjoy their lives. Maybe a life as a nomad seeking soft ground or a covered entryway to duck the rain is not such a bad way to go. Maybe just saying, "fuck this cruel painful world" just makes everything easier. I should sit down and talk with some of them soon. I bet that they have the best stories that I could ever imagine. Stories of lost love, battles with the bottle and stories about fighting long bouts of heartbreak and loneliness. I would still be drinking even through the liver disease if Meg and the babies had not given me a reason to want to stop. Maybe I would have ended up in the park clutching a bottle and nursing a pounding head. I wasn't very far from that life after losing Carolyn. It is strange that the loss hurt but ended up just causing more anger and frustration than anything else. It was better that she went away.

My uncle David died because he would not quit drinking after he was told that he had diabetes. His kidneys could not hold the weight of his painful life any longer and he let go of his wife and children much earlier than he should have. I would have liked to have known him better. I would have liked to have understood his way of thinking.

I will end for this for now and continue forth with my lazy day. Kenny Chesney is filling the air now with the tropical sounds of his new album titled, Be As You Are (Songs From an Old Blue Chair) and Megan has moved her chair closer to the lawn to capture as much sun as possible. Her hair is glowing and her eyes glisten when I am lucky enough to have her look my way. I am glad that I looked her way so long ago. She rescued me. I may never truly understand why.

The Fire Inside

2005-02-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

I took this picture of Megan in our backyard this morning. She keeps a book of photos that chronicles her journey after her weight loss surgery. She looks so amazing now (112 pounds down) and I felt that way before the surgery also. I told her that I would always walk with her as long as her heart never changed and she never lost the fire that burns inside of her eyes.

This week has been very difficult for me. I am having a great deal of trouble with my ex-wife in regard to the girls and I feel like just giving up. She was able to convince Lauren's school that I cannot pick her up in an emergency situation and that really took a toll on me. It's all so hard to explain. In short though...we have joint physical and legal custody and there is a court order reflecting that but it is never enforced if she violates it in any way. It is rough to be a father in California. I just don't know what to do anymore about the girls. I love them very much but she has managed to take all my rights away as a father and that is killing me inside. I know that I have a future with Megan and that is beautiful but I still have a past that is alive and breathing and they need their Daddy. My ex-wife grew up with various fathers and none of them ever gave a damn about her. One of their wives beat the hell out of her as a little girl and her father took the side of his partner. I am lucky that Megan loves the girls and even though she does'nt really express to me how she feels I know that it hurts her a great deal when we do not see the babies. Why is life so damn hard sometimes? I am trying hard to not fall deep into another battle of depression but there are times when I feel like I am falling into that dark place. I don't want to cry now. I don't want to medicate myself to sleep so I don't have to be awake for the pain. I am so lost. My heart is breaking over the girls.

There is some good though. We are planning a romantic trip to San Francisco and I have booked a great hotel in Union Square and an amazing restaraunt so that will take me away for a while. Also, my article in the paper I wrote about in my last post comes out very soon and it will be nice for me to read my words there. I am trying to write as much as possible lately. Writing truly keeps my heart beating and my blood pumping. I am trying to live as much as possible in the world at the tips of my fingers where the music never stops and the pain is easier too manage. Maybe I am getting lost too far inside this new world. I just don't know how to feel. Thank you for reading my scrambled thoughts. Thank you for giving a broken man a chance to piece himself back together.

Please smile today. A young woman at the mall smiled at me today and then asked my name because she said that I looked familiar to her. I had no idea who she was but she shined for a minute and I needed that light. Have a blessed day. Share your light. It lives inside your eyes just like Megan's light does.

The Pirate News

2005-01-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

I am writing today to talk about something very interesting that happened to me yesterday. I was called into the office at the college newspaper (The Pirate's Log) that I am writing for and the editors told me that they wanted to discuss my blog. They are interested in having me chronicle my crazy life in a bi-weekly column that other students and staff can read. I told them that I would be glad to do it and I am excited to start but I am not sure what I should write. I told them that I would not hold back and that I would be very, very open and that is my intention. It would be great if just one person got something positive from my words. Maybe this could be the start of something bigger. Maybe I will finally be able to write for a living. The college paper does not pay of course but maybe one day someone will. I don't want to get rich. I would like to just be able to make enough to buy a little house in an old neighborhood like the one I rent now.

I will let you all know when my words are printed and I will send you a copy if you want one. The readers of this blog know that I can be sad and lonely, lost, confused, broken and terrified. But they also know that I can have hope and see through the pain and it will be wonderful to express myself on paper. If it was not for the readers of this blog I would be really lost. This is my therapy. Every comment and email means the world to me and you all have really helped this broken guy feel a whole lot better.

If you are new here please read my profile and click here to read about the illness that lives within me. There is no known cure available but with some hope there may be one day. Feel free to look around and read my ramblings. Sometimes I write about songs that inspire me and movies that make me happy and I write quite a bit about Megan, the love of my life. My life is not a bad life. I have the love and support of my family and toys like my laptop and my ever present ipod, a decent little car, a funny little house and a little dog that is driving me nuts. So, life is good now but I never know when I will get sick and end up in the hospital. I promise that I will write about whatever happens to me right here for all to read if they want to.

Take care today and remember to smile! I will write again very soon.

The Posterior Hole

2005-01-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

On the ipod today:
El Cerrito Place/Charlie Robison

There has to be something said about great songwriters. They may not always have the silky smooth voices of the big time pro singers but when they sing they always have more passion and dedication. The artist that I am mentioning today is Charlie Robison. Robison is most famous for marrying the brunette Dixie Chick but he was writing and singing long before she came along. The song that I mentioned, El Cerrito Place is his current single and you can to see the video here.

About life...Megan and I had a crazy day yesterday. We had one of those days that just seemed to go all wrong. Right from the get go we seemed to irritate one another and that continued all day. There was a door slammed, a few words yelled and I think that I was referred to as a particular hole that resides on my posterior. At the end of the day however we both lay in bed and talked and played with Hector and all the bad moments seemed to go away just as fast as they occurred.

As I ponder marriage I wonder how people have a lifetime of these days. I think about one of the wisest things that my parents ever told me about marriage. They explained to me that no matter what happens during the day that my partner and I should never go to bed angry. That is a very valuable piece of advice. I fell asleep last night feeling safe and at peace as I held Megan in my arms and all the crap that went wrong over the course of the day just went away as I looked at her beautiful face.

I will close this entry for now and leave you with that great piece of wisdom to ponder. It seems simple but I can imagine that there are times when it gets really difficult. I want a lifetime with Megan and if anyone out there has any advice to offer I will gladly take it. Have a great day today and try to be positive through the ups and downs and through the pains. Smile. I love that word. Five simple letters just say so much.

The Baby

2005-01-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

I would like to introduce the world to our newest addition. This is Hector and he has come to live with Megan and I. We realize that a baby is a big step in our relationship especially without even being married or even engaged but we are confident that acquiring Hector was the right move!

Ok...maybe I have gone a little crazy! We have wanted a puppy for some time and it will be great for me to have a little companion. I really am enjoying his company so far even though as I type this he is trying to eat my shoe laces! He has funny little razor sharp piranha-like teeth and he can really bite. We have purchased countless chew toys but I think that he might just be a chewer! Last night he got behind the couch and we saw Meg's expensive sheer drapes moving back and forth. I though that she might kill him!

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce you to our new addition and show you his adorable little face. He is a pure Chihuahua but for some reason the fat little guy looks a Rotweiler or Doberman. He has a great demeanor and fun personality and I will keep you all updated about him as he grows.

Hector sure gives me a reason to smile. Lately, lots of things have made me smile more and more. I am falling deeper in love with Megan lately and it is starting to become very evident to me that she will always be with me. The readers of this blog probably knew that and I know that she feels that way in her heart but it has taken a while for me to really see that she is truly dedicated to spending the rest of her life with me. I am older than her and ill and I don't make a fortune but what we lack in funds we make up for in love. What shall my next step be? How can I really show her that I love her? Maybe something will come to me soon.

Until my next posting...smile and know that people care for you whether you feel it or not! One more thing...thanks Mom and Dad for bringing Hector into my crazy life! I know that you fell in love with him but he will be ok here. We love him very much!

The Life Blog

2005-01-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

I hope that this entry finds everyone well. This is a very special day here in The United States as we honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Junior. He would be proud to know that many, many blogs are dedicated to him today and that millions upon millions of people everyday still fight to make his "dream" come true.

With that said I would also like to introduce you to a blog that Megan has created. You have read all about her here and I was surprised to find out that she wanted to publish her own blog. I don't know how she fits anything else in her schedule! I can't wait to read what is in her heart. Writing has always been a great way for her and I to express ourselves when we cannot manage to speak our true feelings. The address to her blog is: http://gotmywings.blogspot.com/

Her first entry was very meaningful to me and I would like to share the response that I posted to her blog.

Megan,

I am not sure what to say as I sit here with tears running down my face. Our life together seems so different when you explain it. We sure have been through alot and I thank you for being at my side along this rocky road. Our road has not even been rocky...it has been more like a road in a war zone filled with deep craters and landmines that explode under foot when stepped on. The funny thing is that we always fall into the craters and we always step on the landmines. But I feel in my heart that we are meant to fall together because it just proves that we always, always bounce back up.

When I was a little boy I would pay a dime for a little rubber bouncing ball at Sunshine Market in Central Valley near the home of my grandparents. I never dreamed that one day I would live like those little colorful balls.

I have fallen into gutters, I have been dragged through the dirt and I have been torn apart but just like I did because I loved those little rubber balls...you have picked me up and repaired me and sent me bouncing off again. Thank you for the years that you have helped me to live. Thank you for my life. Thank you for the hope. Most of all...from the very bottom of my heart...thank you for always, always loving me. I vow to continue fighting and I vow to forever walk with you as your friend and your life partner.

Ruben

Thank you for reading today. Have a great day and please take a second to think about Martin Luther King Junior today. The text and audio of his most prolific speech can be found at: http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/Ihaveadream.htm Under the photo of him there is a link to actually hear him speak. It is worth the time that it takes. Smile today and check back soon.

The Queen Bean

2005-01-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

On the ipod today:
Collide/Howie Day
Deepest lyric from the song:
The dawn is breaking
A lights shines through
You’re barely waking and
I’m tangled up in you

Here I am again. I think that the readers of this crazy blog may just get tired of me pretty soon! I am writing for our college paper here starting this semester and it feels great! I know that it’s not Time, Newsweek or anything major but it keeps my mind busy and it makes me feel alive. So until the rush of creativity fades please bear with me because I will probably be posting more than usual.

Anyway, I am sitting and waiting for Meg to join me for lunch and I am at the coolest new place in our funny little town. It is called The Queen Bean Coffee House. Modesto is famous for being the home of Scott and Laci Peterson, Gary Condit and most recently the soldier who shot up a couple of cops in an effort to commit suicide and not return to Iraq.

But beyond the gruesome, Modesto is also the home of some great antique shops and boutiques and this coffee house that I am sitting in now. For months Meg and I have been cruising by here waiting for it to open and it was worth the wait. It is an old Victorian home complete with massive porch and courtyard and the coffee is great! The only negative so far is that it does not have internet access but I just spoke to the owner and I may be able to help him get that going. I don’t really want cash for doing the work but I will gladly accept a few sandwiches and fattening coffees!

I will sign off for now but I will keep on posting. I received a call from my liver specialist yesterday and it scared me but I will try to keep positive about it. I will write about the call tomorrow when I have some more time and I have thought it through a bit more. I am so scared of getting depressed again and isolating myself. Damn....this life is a hard row to hoe.

Please smile today and try to keep your heads up.

The Past Year

2005-01-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

I realize that we are now 11 days into this New Year and that this posting is late but I will go ahead with it anyhow. Last year was a very eventful year for me and I am very happy to be able to be here writing this today. I am tired today after spending the past weekend with family out of town and spending yesterday trying to rest but I am alive and healthy and that is all that matters.

I woke up next to Meg again this morning and that is always the very best part of my day. It is incredible how much she changed last year after her weight loss surgery. Her confidence in herself is so much greater now and that makes her so much more beautiful to me. I hope that my relationship with her really blossoms this year as it has it the past. This is our third year together and I feel like our relationship needs to progress a bit farther. I am scared about this in a way but at the same time I understand in my heart that we were meant to never part. I will always walk by her side.

In regard to 2004, many great things occurred in the world but many terrible things happened also. Florida got destroyed by the spinning fury of Mother Nature and as I write this people affected by the recent tsunamis are fighting to make new lives for themselves. It seems like more natural disasters happen every year. My grandfather used to say that when there are fires and floods and war that the world was coming close to an end. That may not be the case but it is interesting to think about. The world is really going crazy.

The past year also saw many wonderful people pass on. We lost a true super man when Christopher Reeve died and we also lost another amazing actor, The Godfather, Marlon Brando. The music industry saw Ray Charles move on but he came to life again in a sense in an amazing movie about him called, “Ray.” If you have not yet seen this movie you must see it. Several critics raved that actor, Jamie Foxx was actually channeling Charles in this film. His performance was amazing and it would be an injustice if he does not win the academy award for best actor.

Another entertainer that we lost was Rodney Dangerfield. He was known for complaining that he got no respect but he certainly had mine. He changed the face of comedy when he started a career late in life by inspiring many, many comedians to try to do the same thing.

The last entertainer that I would like to mention is Jerry Orbach. Even though his name does not ring a bell to many you probably know who he is. He played the sarcastic and troubled detective Lennie Brisco on the television show Law and Order for twelve long years and once said that he was not sure where he ended and Lennie began. Orbach was also one of Broadways greatest song and dance men. Memories of him will never fade away.

As each year passes more and more events come into play and more and more people move on and that is just the way things move. There are 365 days in every year. That is 365 opportunities to wake up and smile and love and pray and make a difference in the world. Ever since I became ill I have been trying to understand how to live better.

I guess that I should simply live like EACH DAY COUNTS!

Smile today and check in again sometime soon when you have a chance.

The Poet

2004-12-29T13:16:00.000-08:00

There are so many people out there that seem too afraid of rap music for some reason. I am not a fan of many rap artists that are releasing albums these days but I am a big fan of "old school rap". I guess that I am writing this in hopes that someone may read this and try to listen to something that they would not otherwise have listended to.

My favorite rap artist, Tupac Shakur is pictured above. Based on his appearance, many people were afraid of him and that is sad. How many people that read this know that I have several tattoos and that both of my ears are pierced? Appearances don't mean much. I am generally a nice guy.

Tupac was killed in Las Vegas in the 1990's and not many people realize it but when he died the world lost more than a thug. His reputation made him out to be a sinister gangster but he was a brilliant poet. Right now I am listening to his song, "Only God Can Judge Me." Even though he has been gone for many years his unreleased work keeps surfacing and right now he has a release with Elton John called, "Ghetto Gospel." Like many of his songs this one speaks about the struggles faced by the youth in our society.

Some songs that I would reccomend include:

Dear Mama
I Aint Mad at Ya
Letter to my Unborn Child
Smile
Keep Ya Head Up

Give them a shot if you have the chance. I believe that an open mind is a wonderful tool. Take care of yourself today. I will close this with a quote from Tupac:

There's gon' be some stuff you gon' see that's gon' make it hard to smile in the future.
But through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor. You gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit. Remember that. Mmm, yeah. Keep ya head up.Yeah.

The Beautiful Day

2004-12-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

Megan and I would like to express our love and gratitude to everyone that has supported us in person and in spirit this past year. This past year was very difficult for us but it it helped to show us that we could survive anything if we made sure to do it together. We hold one another a little tighter today and we love one another a whole lot more. This morning I woke up and she was at my side and that was the best Christmas gift that I received. I am a lucky man to receive that amazing gift every morning.

Have the safest new year possible and please remember that anything can be overcome with a little hope and faith. Smile every chance that you get and hold your loved ones close. I am lucky to be here today and I appreciate every second that I have to live.

Take care and thank you again!
Ruben and Megan

The Best Holiday!

2004-12-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

There must be a better way. And, out of that, a new holiday was born. A FESTIVUS, FOR THE REST OF US!"
Frank Costanza, SEINFELD

Today is truly a day to celebrate! Today, December 23rd, is Festivus! This holiday was created as an alternative to the traditional Christmas Holiday because Christmas has become to commercial. There are some things that you will need to know to really be able to truly understand and celebrate this amazing holiday!

Official symbol of the holiday: An 8' tall aluminum pole. Much cheaper than a Christmas tree with all the trimmings!

Official meal of the holiday: Spaghetti. Have you seen the prices of turkey and Ham?

Official holiday traditions:

The airing of greivances. Tell people what you really think of them. Let your anger out. You will feel better! Your mind will be clear for the new year ahead!
The feats of strength. Wrestle your dad or maybe that brother in law that really drives you nuts or fight that old woman that bags your groceries and always puts the canned peas on top of the eggs! Prove who is stronger and they will remember that lesson all year long!

You can probably tell that this is a holiday that really does not have much merit but it may someday! Think about how good you will feel after celebrating this! Well, have a happy, happy Festivus and I'll check back in a few days around the time of the other holiday! :-) For now I have to head out to Home Depot. I hear they are having a sell on Festivus poles!

Smile today and don't forget to send someone a hilarious Festivus e-card!

The Heaven Song

2004-12-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays everyone! Can you believe that 2004 is almost gone? It is amazing just how fast this year flew bye. I will write my year-end recap soon so stay tuned. I am posting today to mention a song that you all must hear. I know...I know....all I ever seem to write about lately is music but this one is just incredible. The last time I felt this passionate about a song was when I watched as Megan listened to Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying." She looked at me as that song played and as tears rolled down her beautiful face I knew that song would forever have a special meaning to me.

Anyway, the song is called, "If Heaven" and it is sung by Andy Griggs. If you have Real Player you can hear the song for free at: www.andygriggs.com. Click here to read the lyrics.

In other happenings...My oldest daughter is following in her crazy Daddy's footsteps and she has started her very own blog. It will be nice to see where her little heart and mind take her. She has a very descriptive little voice and I love to read her words. Maybe she can be the famous writer her Daddy never was. But who knows...I still have some words left in me...maybe I will get them published one day. She is very proud of her blog and would love if anyone would post a comment for her. The address of her site is: www.littlehopes.blogspot.com.

Well, it has been a long day and my body is screaming for rest so I better get some. I am going with Meg and her family tonight to some place called Christmas Tree Lane to see wht kind of crazy things that people can do with christams lights. It will be nice to get out. I sure miss Meg lately because she is working quite a bit but she will slow down soon.

So go have fun. Maybe head to a local mall and watch a child's face while they are on Santa's lap. Maybe take some time and watch a Holiday movie or listen to a Christmas song. I am not the most festive guy in the world but I am thankful to be healthy this year and I look forward to seeing the joy on the face of my babies when they open their gifts.

One more thing....please pray for my best friend Matora as he continues to fight the war in Iraq. I am not a supporter of the war but I sure support him. He called me the other day from 10 miles west of Fallujah and I could hear something in his voice that I have never heard before. I know he will come home safe soon and that he will finally be able to enjoy his new marriage and his new nephew. He is a good man and a great friend.

Please take care today and smile...always smile.